Tuesday, July 31, 2012


This photo post could also be titled, "Go Fetch Me the Cat Comb" or "Toss Me the Lint Brush--this Sofa is a Hairy Mess" or "Who Gets to Sweep the Floors Today?" or "There's Enough Fluffy Fuzz on the Floor this Morning to Make Another Cat," or "If We Shaved Fluffy, She'd Only Weigh Two Pounds" or "Fluffy Has Another Hairball Forming. Get Me the Scissors. Stat!" (You get the idea?)  And when guests see her for the first time and gasp, "What a fat cat!"-- we respond, "She's not fat, she's FLUFFY!"

Monday, July 30, 2012


A long time ago..I'm talking way over 50 years ago...there was an early afternoon TV program on CBS that Mom and I loved to watch called "Art Linkletter's House Party."  Mom was never big on soap operas, but Art was a different story.

It's kind of hard to describe his show.  It was part monologue, celebrity chat, self-help, audience participation, games (like "What's in the House?"), and then there was our favorite....the kids interview segment.  Art would have four grade schoolers sit down for some one-on-one conversation, and it was hilarious. The kids were typically precocious, and they would have Art and the audience rolling in laughter with their off-the-wall comments.  They'd be sort of clueless why the adults were cracking up, which made the whole gig all the funnier.  This portion of "House Party" led Linkletter to pen the bestseller, Kids Say the Darnedest Things.

...which all leads up to yesterday afternoon when Sweet Neighbor Girl unwittingly had me blowing up with giggles.  After she'd hot ironed my hair, which has pretty much become a weekly event this summer, we went to Sonic for Happy Hour and then returned to Casa de la Flaming Bore to resume our long-running card game of War, which we'd started the previous Sunday but STILL had yet to complete.  Since we are multi-taskers, we also turned on the TV to watch/play along with "Family Feud."  

So in the middle of the card game, the Feud question is:  "Name something you purchase by the pound."  I'm in mid-slurp with my cranberry slush and am thinking maybe hamburger or fruit would be good answers, when SNG excitedly blurts out, "A dog!!!"  And then I lost it.  Her answer struck me as totally absurd, and I needed to laugh big time, but I had this mouth full of slush, so I just stifled it and practically gagged as I struggled to breathe, swallow, and laugh all at the same time.

"Are you okay?" SNG girl asked.  "What's so funny?"

I finally caught my breath, choked down the slush, and told her, "Your answer!"  Since when do you buy a dog by the pound?"  

"Well, people can get dogs at the dog pound," she answered in all seriousness.

And then I busted up again.  "He said purchase BY the pound, not AT the pound!"

"Oooooooooh," she said, still not quite understanding why I was so amused.

"Never mind.  Let's get back to the game.  I think I've recovered."

So, we FINALLY ended the War game--she won--then we played a few rounds of slap jack, which I won, and then it was time to call it an afternoon.

"Well, I guess I'll go home and annoy my sister," she said, as she headed out the door with a cheery, "See ya!"

Art Linkletter was spot-on with the title of his bestseller.

Sunday, July 29, 2012


Last night's Joan Crawford Film Festival on Turner Classic Movies proved why this one-time glam movie star degenerated into a bitter Mommie Dearest. She kept getting upstaged!!

In the first movie we saw, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Ms. Crawford was confined to a wheelchair while co-star Bette Davis acted crazed circles all around her. As Bette and her heart-shaped facial mole were plotting diabolical, evil deeds, poor Joan just lay in bed with a piece of tape over her mouth.  What's the acclaim in that?  

Things got even worse in the second flick, I Saw What You Did, in which Joan's overacting was overshadowed by her enormous necklace and stacks of really bad hairpieces.  Playing a love-starved next-door-neighbor to a homicidal maniac, Joan had to wear what appeared to be a fallen chandelier around her neck.  And her various hunks of fake hair bounced around independently of each other, threatening to fly off with every word.

Of course, it didn't help that her biggest dramatic line in the script was, "Why, you're nothing but a tramp!!" Mercifully, she was murdered off an hour into the movie.

Getting any respect in the acting world must be difficult to achieve when the audience can only focus on bad hair-dos and even worse jewelry.  It's gotta be enough to drive an actress Berserk, another really campy Joan Crawford movie that stars her eyebrows and a circus whip.

The Flaming Bore gives  Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? three flames out of four.  I Saw What You Did earns two flames.  And Joan's stylist has no flicker of hope.  

Friday, July 27, 2012


Hey, kids!  It's time to squeeze into your leotard and take off for London! The Summer Olympics is about to begin!  

I suppose my favorite spectator sport in the games is gymnastics...mainly because The Flaming Bore once experienced the agony of defeat and recognizes the degree of difficulty in trying to balance on a 4-inch wooden beam or perform a flying, mid-air splits maneuver.  Heck, I can't even maintain my balance lifting one foot off the floor.  As for the splits--forget about it.  Any attempt would result in a call to 9-1-1.

My junior high physical education teacher, the bulldog-ish Miss Mosby, tried (with little success) to teach the fine art of gymnastics.  Most of us girls lacked the agility to perform much more than a somersault, if that, but it beat having to do sit-ups and push-ups, so we went through the motions and tried, somewhat.  Mo was hard pressed to demonstrate any tricky gymnastics moves herself, so she didn't exactly push the issue, if you know what I mean. Her teaching method was more like: "Do as I say, not as I do."  Mainly because at 200+ pounds and being loaded down with a massive amount of keys attached to her man-pants, Mo was not likely to fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

So much for fond memories of my athletic prowess, or lack thereof. Light the torch and let's get this baby on!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


Yesterday I met up with my four oldest gal pals from 1st grade on--Mary, Maggie, Nancy Sue, and Cheryl. We got together at the lovely home of another 63-year-old classmate, Ron, who is off on some South American expedition.  He's divorced, so what does he care that a quintet of foxy chicks from his past show up at his doorstep. Right? After a few pics taken by Cheryl's husband, under the watchful eyes of a stuffed gnu glaring from a wall nearby, we young ladies took off for lunch and a movie.

And what better flick for five glamorous Social Security recipients to see but the new male stripper extravaganza, Magic Mike! Notice in the movie poster that there are five hunks ready to take on each of us.  And, of course, I get Channing Tatum since we're both in the middle of our respective pictures.  That's only fair.

Now, these hot, young studs looked mighty attractive and buff in their eye-popping dance costumes.  But we gals agreed that if our own significant others would try to impress us by wearing such revealing outfits, we would likely collapse into fits of laughter. This kind of exposure only looks magical on someone with about an ounce of body fat.

And our own bodies?  Well, they've undergone a few changes, too, since the days of running wild on the playground at Mound School just a few years back.  See if you can pick us out of this Brownie Scout troop picture when we were 10 years old.  Presto-change-o!  Where has the time gone?

Sunday, July 22, 2012


Yesterday I was privileged to have not just one, but TWO Sweet Neighbor Girls who participated in the local library's Wax Museum extravaganza supreme.  During the summer reading program for kids in grades 3-6, participants researched a famous person in history, then wrote and memorized a little speech about him or her.

At the grand finale, the kids dressed up like their chosen person, then parked themselves inside the library.  When patrons stepped on the respective magic button, the "statue" would come to life and present the speech.  

Now I've been SNG #1's practice audience so often that I pretty much knew her Cleopatra speech by heart, and she did a great job.  She knew every word, maintained eye contact, and didn't shake in her sandals...even with that deadly snake on her head. Likewise, SNG #2, who is a year younger but an old 4-H veteran  and has given speeches before, gave a fine dramatic performance as Sacagewea...complete with papoose and dreamcatcher.  Both girls were total pros.

We also got to hear from Shirley Temple, Carrie Nation, Dr. Seuss, Harry Houdini  (restrained in locks and ropes), Amelia Earhardt x2, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Albert Einstein, Betsy Ross, Annie Oakley, and Abraham Lincoln. And there were treats, too!

Thanks to Assistant Library Lady Megan for bringing history to life in our little burg, and congrats to the kids for not having any nervous, waxy meltdowns during their presentations.  

Saturday, July 21, 2012


About three months ago--well before the weather turned hot--Library Lady made a modest proposal.  She handed me a pamphlet that said:  "2012 Greenwood County Fair Scavenger Hunt.  Explore and experience the excitement of Greenwood County!  Enter for your chance at one of three cash prizes!  Grand Prize is $100.00."

"Would you be interested in doing this with me?" she asked, as I scanned over the contest details.

Clues to fourteen different landmarks of sorts were listed.  Participants would need to take pictures, make rubbings, and acquire other designated types of evidence, then put it all together in some sort of scrapbook.

"Sure!" I answered enthusiastically.  Wheels were turning over in my mindless brain as to how we would accomplish the tasks at hand. My old yearbook staff sidekick, Toto, figured into the plan.  

"You do realize that it'll probably take more than $100.00 in gas to do this, before all is said and done," I added.  Greenwood County is the second largest county in the state, in area. And the landmarks, most of which we recognized from the pamphlet clues, would take us across and up and down a lot of miles.  But it would be fun, we rationalized, so we made a deal to partner up and be scavengers together.  A time was set to attack Landmark #1.  The adventure was about to begin.

"This family came to Greenwood County as part of an African-American settlement....a stone with the name of the family overlooks the area where this family settled."  This one would be easy. We'd drive out to Reece, eight miles west of town, then meander onto the back roads and into the hills until we came to the 
Lowery marker.  We've both seen it before, on a hill overlooking the little town. Off we went in her trusty blue Honda to begin our scavenger hunt.

But first.....let's drive on up to the county line and get a picture of Toto arriving in Greenwood County.  That would be cool. 

"Out of the car, Toto.  Up! Up on the sign!  Good boy!  Hold it!  Great!  That's a good shot.  Let's get another one.  One more. OK, down, boy.  Watch for traffic!  Into the car.  Good dog."

On back to Reece.

"Oh, look!  There's a box turtle crossing the road!" Library Lady pointed out.  Time for another picture!

"Out, Toto, out!  Come meet the Kansas State Reptile!  Don't worry, it won't hurt you.  Just don't go sniffing it too closely. Smile! Good dog."

Back to the task at hand, we get to Reece, then Library Lady decides we should make one more side trip before going in search of the Lowery post--the Reece country cemetery to look for the Lowery grave marker.  No, it's not on the scavenger list, but maybe we could get extra credit points for including it.  A few wrong turns later, we made it.

"Watch where you're walking, Toto!  We must be respectful."  We eventually find the gravestone, get our picture, load Toto back into the car, make a few more wrong turns, backtrack, and finally get to the Lowery marker southeast of Reece.

"Picture time!"  Toto is agreeable to several different poses, a real trooper.  He is even game for meeting some cattle and sniffing at authentic Kansas wildflowers.

Well, long story a little bit shorter, we never made it back out into the wilds to verify scavenger clues #2-14.  Busy schedules and oppressive heat got in the way.  Bummer. Toto was so looking forward to balancing on stone arch bridges, fishing at Fall River Lake, and watching the grass blow around up at Teeter Rock. I'm sorry that we ended up disappointing him, especially since we had such an outstanding time on our one and only afternoon of scavenging.

There's no place like Greenwood County.

Friday, July 20, 2012


When my nephew's family returned Monday from their vacation to Disney World, everyone was happy to see Stripes the Cat welcoming them home.  But the next day, Stripes (aka:  Honey Badger to those nearest and dearest) went missing in action.

The kids' sweet mama went on Facebook to announce the family crisis and post a picture of Stripes.  The search was on.  Perhaps Stripes had returned to their former home, three blocks away.  They just moved to the bigger place after school got out, so maybe little kitty had sniffed her way back to more familiar grounds.  A check was made.  No Stripes.

Prayers were made that night and, lo and behold, who should come sauntering through the home turf fence the following night?

"I was on the pool slide," Boomer said, "and I looked over there (he pointed) and there was Stripes!"

Everyone got out of the pool to give their wayward pal a happy, wet welcome back to the family digs.

I stopped by to visit the crew when I was in Pittsburg yesterday.  Stripes was hanging out in the kitchen, and she let me pick her up and love her.  

"Stripes, you shouldn't give us such a scare," I said.  "Don't do that again."

Personally, I think Stripes was just paying back the family for leaving her for a week, even though she had a kind caretaker to give her food and water.  "Now you know how it feels when you leave me."

Next vacation, I have a feeling Stripes is going to demand that she gets invited to pack her little kitty luggage and join them.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Those of you who garden are well aware of the many challenges.  Some plants just don't want to kick in, while others go wild and start invading others' territory.

One of our intruders is some shrub I planted six years ago in the backyard.  I don't know what it's called, other than "that pretty green stuff."  I noticed this morning that it's starting to butt in on the coleus that's planted on a little stone terrace behind it.  Actually, you can't even see much of the stone any longer, so I guess the "pretty green stuff" has been "starting" to spread for a long time.  

Out came the clippers...but they suddenly lost their spring, so I just kind of crippled along with them this morning and gave the pretty green stuff an initial trim.  Round two and a new pair of clippers will come later this week.

Something else that seems to be running rampant in our yard, at least around the bird baths, are honeybees.  The poor things must be dreadfully thirsty, as they've just been swarming in packs.  Gotta keep them happy, though, so they can have all the water they want...provided they keep paying us off with their pollination.  And I have to bow down to them....they've been doing a great job so far, in spite of the heat.

But we could sure use some rain

Sunday, July 15, 2012


Last night I hooked up Sweet Neighbor Girl to a Seventeen magazine website, and life in the 'hood will never be the same.  It's all about dressing up the stars...Taylor Swift, Demi Levato, Jennifer Lawrence, and seven other glam gals...with a closet bursting with clothes and accessories.

"Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!" she started foaming at the mouth when I showed her my online discovery.  "I can't believe it!"  You'd think I'd found the Holy Grail and Ark of the Covenant all rolled up in one.

She figured out how to conduct the little dress-up game in no time flat, so I hopped on my stationary bike, grabbed a book, and we went about our separate activities...but not for long.  Her imagination quickly kicked in.

"Mom, it's the first day of school.  What should I wear?" she asked in a high-pitched, Valley Girl-type voice.

"I don't care," I answered back to her.  "Just be sure to follow the dress code."  I went on pedaling my bike.

"How's this?" she asked.

I took a peek. "Amanda, you can't go strapless to school!" I said, mortified at her choice.

"But, Mom!" she whined.  "All the other girls will be dressed like this." (Then in her own real voice:  "Do I sound like a teenager?")

Next up was football game wear.  "I'm ready to go to the game, Mom. How do I look?"

"Your toes and tummy are going to freeze in that outfit, young lady.  Put some boots and a jacket on."

"But, Mom!!"  she whined again.

"Now!!" I ordered.

So, she added a jacket and was ready to leave for the make-believe game.  "I'll see you in the morning, Mom."

"Your curfew is 10 PM!!"

This ridiculous banter went on and on through all ten stars and also including outfits for picture day, prom, and girls night out.  Finally, Big Bore, who was trying to watch TV in the next room, had heard enough to at least have his curiosity piqued.  

"What's going on in here?" he asked, entering the computer/exercise room.

"It's called FASHION, Jeff," Sweet Neighbor Girl said, dryly, "and you don't know a thing about it."

"Yeah, Jeff.  It's called fashion," I added.  He shook his head, speechless, and went back to his TV show.

Finally, it started getting dark outside, so I decided to break up the little dress-up game and scoot our diva on home.  But first, I wrote down the Seventeen website for her so she could continue styling for the stars for as long as she wanted on her own family computer.  For some reason, though, I don't think it's going to be nearly as much fun without having a grumpy audience.

Friday, July 13, 2012


Yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of the rock group The Rolling Stones. Hard to believe that Mick Jagger has been strutting his stuff on stage for five decades. Hard to believe that most of the Stones are still alive, let alone still coherent enough to perform before sellout crowds. Amazing.

Growing up, I liked the Stones although I was more of a Beatles kind of gal. My favorite song of theirs is one you may not recognize:  "Sympathy for the Devil."  I like the slapdash tune, and the lyrics are beyond bizarre. (Disclaimer: Stop worrying. The Flaming Bore does not worship Satan.)

The following, in no particular order, round out my Stones Top 10:

"Brown Sugar"
"It's Only Rock and Roll"
"Jumpin' Jack Flash"
"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"
"Honky Tonk Woman"
"Let's Spend the Night Together"
"19th Nervous Breakdown"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want"
"Gimme Shelter"

In this day of "anything goes" with song lyrics, it's hard to believe that "Let's Spend the Night Together" was censored when the Stones performed on the "Ed Sullivan Show" back in the 1960s. Jagger says Sullivan made them change the words to "Let's Spend Some Time Together."  How quaint.  He says the group begrudgingly complied with the request but never appeared on the show again.  

It would be tough to keep a band together for one year...let alone 50. Even if you're not all that keen on the Stones, you have to admire the group's longevity and ability to keep writing music. While most of their contemporaries are happy to be retired and living on pensions and Social Security, these old codgers...all in their late 60s and early 70s...are still rocking--and not in chairs.  Happy Golden Anniversary.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Each month at our local Friends of the Library meeting, members select a book to read and to discuss for the next month's meeting.  The criteria for selecting a book isn't exactly out of literary academia.  We don't want it too long or too depressing. That's about it.

At last night's meeting, the club president suggested a book, the title I've since forgotten, that definitely piqued the interest all of those in attendance (seven retired women, average age over 70 and counting). The basic premise was:  it's 1876 and 1,000 gentile Eastern women are sent out west of the Mississippi to marry 1,000 Indian braves, with the intent of "Americanizing" them. And here's how our conversation went:

"Well, what woman in her right mind would want to do that?"

"Oh, I bet there were LOTS of women who were willing to tame the savage beast."  (raised eyebrows)

"The best looking man I've ever seen was an Indian. We were out in Arizona.  His skin was the color of copper and he had long black braids hanging in front of his chest. He was just soooo handsome."

"Maybe there were women who were adventurous and saw this as a challenge."

"Is this a true story?"

"I don't think so.  I think it's historical fiction.  It was an idea that someone had back then."

"Well, I wouldn't have wanted to volunteer."

"Ah, it might have been fun...a chance to see the country and meet some hot-blooded man.  Why not?"

"Well, are we gonna read it?" the president asked after we'd finally finished discussing the merits of exchanging a stuffy life back east for amorous adventures in a tepee out west.

"Of course, we are!  We're already into it and we haven't even seen the book!"

Today the president will ask Library Lady to order copies of the chosen title for us.  I, for one, can't wait to  gallop up to the check-out desk and get started.

Monday, July 9, 2012


Three months ago Sweet Neighbor Girl asked me if I had any spare flower seeds she could have.  I showed her a few envelopes I had laying around and she picked out the zinnias.  Off we went to plant them in the circle garden in her yard next to Casa de la Flaming Bore.  I divided them once they started sprouting, and she's been babying them along, with some watering help from her daddy.  

This morning she came over to tell me, "Come with me and close your eyes.  I have something to show you."

I took her hand and stumbled down the front steps, across my driveway, and into her yard.

"Okay.  Open your eyes!"

At long last....the zinnias are blooming!  Hooray!  They are all sorts of colors and come in stripes and solids. Lovely.  

I hope when Sweet Neighbor Girl is a Sweet Neighbor Lady to someone in the distant future, she will still have the joy of watching flowers grow and will have some extra seeds to pass along.   

Sunday, July 8, 2012


Big Bore and I sniffled through Forrest Gump for the umpteenth time last night. At the conclusion I told him, "This is one movie that is soooooo much better than the book."  Of course, he wanted to know why.

To borrow a bit from poetess Elizabeth Barrett Browning:  How do I hate this book?  Let me count the ways.

"Well, you know how sweet and endearing and heroic Forrest is in the movie?  In the book he's this big, loudmouth lug who is constantly spewing profanity.  He ditches Jenny in favor of a pro wrestling career and she marries someone else. He stars in a movie with Raquel Welch.  He becomes an astronaut, along with an orangutan (that is his best friend), and the space capsule crashes in New Guinea and they become captives of pygmies."

"What?!" BB said, incredulously.

"Oh, and the only running he does is for the Senate, using the campaign slogan, 'I Gotta Pee.'  It's just a total mess."  

When writers won a Motion Picture Academy Award for Best Screen Adaption, they earned their paycheck with this one.  About the only thing the book and movie have in common is the name of the title character. 

A book is a lot like a box of chocolates.  You never know what's inside until you open it up and dig into the pages. And in the case of Forrest Gump, the book, this one is as stupid as stupid can get. I rarely say this, but skip the book and see the movie.

And that's all I've got to say about that. 

Saturday, July 7, 2012


Last night was Jimmy Stewart Westerns Night on TCM, so you can bet your leather chaps that Big Bore and I giddy-upped in front of the TV for two great flicks and one just so-so.  
First out of the chute was The Man From Laramie.  Jimmy hauls some supplies into a two-bit New Mexico town with an ulterior motive to seek vengeance for the murder of his brother by those vicious Apaches. But it 's  not just the Indians who have Jimmy riled up.  Some white ranchers are trying to make some extra cash by selling the savages bootlegged rifles.  Oh, the greed!  Well, you can figure out just who figures out who is behind the rotten dealings.  The bad guys bite the dust and, against all odds, Jimmy saves the day!  Hooray.  The end. Three flames out of four from The Flaming Bore.

Next up is The Naked Spur, our fave of the night.  In this winner, Jimmy is a bounty hunter who is determined to return bad guy Robert Ryan from the Colorado mountains to Abeline, Kansas. Along the way, he gets some unsolicited help from an old dude and a cavalry reject who borders on the criminally insane.  Oh, and a pouty Janet Leigh is along for the ride as Robert Ryan's sidekick. The trip back to Kansas is rife with trouble--everything from vicious Indians, of course, torrid river rapids, escape attempts, and a gunshot wound.  But, by gum, Jimmy will not be deterred!  He's gonna collect that $5,000 bounty, even if it kills him--which it just might.  The action is non-stop, the scenery is grand, and the tension is great all the way to the end.  And wait'll you see how Jimmy wields his naked spur.  Four flames all the way!

Last stop is Two Rode Together. Now, you'd think this one would be the blockbuster since it was directed by John Ford and had lots of semi-big names to co-star with Jimmy, like Richard Widmark and Shirley Jones before her "Partridge Family" days.  But Big Bore actually cashed in during the middle of it, leaving me to ride alone to the end.  In this one, cantankerous Jimmy and his old pal Richard are hired to bargain for some white settlers who were kidnapped years before by, who else, the Apaches!  They get the job halfway done, returning a teenaged boy and a young woman who has the hots for Jimmy.  Sadly, the two don't adjust well to their new surroundings.  In fact, the boy ends up killing the woman who takes him in as her son....even though we find out too late that he's actually someone else's son and Shirley's little brother. Got that?  He gets hung. Too bad.  Jimmy hooks up with the gal he rescued. The end.  Two flames....barely.  

I'm saddling up for The Blob this afternoon.  Steve McQueen and some really campy dialogue.  "For heaven's sake, don't get any of it on your hands!!!!"  Happy trails.

Friday, July 6, 2012


At last!  July 6th is here!  Independence Day!  My self-imposed nightly house arrest has ended!  Fireworks just aren't hyperaccusis-friendly.  KA-BOOM!!!! times 100. My mantra since June 27th has been:  "July 6th, July 6th, July 6th"--the day that the explosives have to be put away in our burg.  And now it's here.  Hooray and Hallelujah!  

But do not think, however, that The Flaming Bore has just been sitting on her Liberty Bell bottom wasting away--at least not for the past three days. Big Bore has been sick with a fever, chills, aches, etc., so I have taken over all his jobs around the house, temporarily, I hope.  Plus, I have become Keeper of the Thermometer and Runner to the Drug Store.  His temp is finally under 100 degrees now (99.9 at last check), so we hope the worst is over.  Personally, it's just too weird watching him roll up in a big shiver ball when he's dressed in sweats and the thermostat is set at 78.  This is not like him.  Especially when it's 104 degrees outside.  

Here's to returning to a Fireworks Free Zone and to Big Bore returning to better health.  And here's to the so-called cool front that's supposed to arrive in a few days.  That 94 degrees prediction for a high on Sunday is sounding mighty frosty.  Bring it on!

Thursday, July 5, 2012


There was a teen gal on TV this morning who was getting her 15 minutes of fame by taking Seventeen magazine to task for airbrushing models' pictures and for using pencil-thin teens to pose in its photo shoots.  She claimed that the mag uses Photo Shop to improve upon its models' fab appearances. False advertising. Shame, shame.

Heck. Adult magazines have been using this same trick since forever in order to make all of us average, older, washed-up, full-figure gals look like the slobs that we truly are. And do I care? Not really. Mainly because I have now discovered PicMonkey.com, which comes with all sorts of playful photo tools to enhance my aging appearance.  

The wrinkles are gone with a swish of the wand. Next comes some blush and mascara.  And don't forget to blot out those age spots under my left eye.  How about some air brushing over the entire face? Damn, I'm looking like a 30-year old waxy mannequin in no time!  

PicMonkey doesn't have an eyebrow lifter, and I haven't mastered the hair highlighter well enough yet to get rid of the gray, but I'm working on it. Before too long, I'll be posing for my photo shoot at Seventeen magazine.

As my favorite wacked-out aging movie character Norma Desmond, (played by the late, great Gloria Swanson) always says, "Ready for my close-ups, Mr. DeMille."  

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


Sweet Neighbor Girl was over bright and early yesterday with a birthday present and smile. She knows I'm big on yard art, so she got me some chimes with a metal butterfly, snail, and flower adorned on them. We found the perfect place to put them, and then she announced she was taking me out for lunch. I didn't want her spending that much of her hard-earned money, so I bargained her down a bit.

"How about we just go out for fruit smoothies?  There's a new place downtown that I hear has really delicious ones and I'd like to try them," I suggested. 

No argument there, so I told Big Bore we were going downtown to get a smoothie and we'd be back later. 

I got peach. SNG got strawberry, and those smoothies were just THE BEST.  We brought them home, played some cards, strung some beads--girl things--all the while, Big Bore was taking a nap since he'd gotten up super early to do some work for the neighbors. Shortly after SNG left, he was back among the walking and joined me in the living room.

"How was the movie?" he asked.

"Movie?" I was perplexed.

"Yeah, what movie did Amanda and you get?"

"What are you talking about?  We didn't get a movie."

"Well, you said you two were going downtown to get a movie," he said, sounding a bit a testy with me.

Then I started laughing.  "We didn't get a movie. We got a smoothie. Fruit smoothies. And they were totally fabulous. Why, that was the best peach MOVIE I ever saw."

As the old Cool Hand Luke saying goes: What we have around Casa de la Flaming Bore is a failure to communicate.

We're continuing the birthday celebrating tomorrow to see Cabaret Oldtown's show about music from the 1970s. No hearing aids required.  

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!  Another birthday is here!  Contrary to the card great niece Maddie made me, I am not 24 this year.  Drat.  But 63 will do just fine, thank-you very much.

Big Bore made me two angel food birthday cakes, one for our family group party in Pittsburg Sunday with neph Brandon (41 and holding), and one for today at home.  Maddie and her little brothers decorated the first cake, which was red, white, and blue inside. William, the Birthday King and Queen's official taste-tester, gave his seal of approval to the frosting. I'll spare you the harrowing details about the fight the boys got into over the ownership of the whirligig after it was removed from the cake. 

The second cake has pink frosting with green and red sprinkles, and the inside looks like the results of a fireworks stand explosion.  No pictures of it....yet, but I had a generous piece for breakfast and it tastes better than it looks.  The odds are good that there won't be much left over for July 4th.

Monday, July 2, 2012


When my nephew and his wife started house hunting last year, a swimming pool was not on their wish list but they ended up with one, anyway.  And, these hot Kansas days have made them sooooo glad. Especially me. 

At their pool party yesterday Maddie and I did all sorts of bogus "dives" off the board like:  The Frog, The Flamingo, The Godzilla, and Miss America Walks the Runway.  They all ended the same way...with a scream and feet-first landing.  Boomer had even more acrobatic moves.  He doesn't mind crashing into belly flops.  Wait till he's 62.

Then there were the big boys. Here are half of them.  I was disappointed that they didn't do a group cannon ball, but I guess it was all for the best that we kept the water IN the pool.

Back home today.  No relaxing, cool pool.  But the sprinkler is on in the backyard, so maybe I'll go make a few run-throughs before turning it off.