NO SALE

First there was its caveman in a business suit and now comes the ziplining pig. I have no clue what Geico is selling, but I do know it has the most annoying commercials in the history of television advertising. As if the creepy caveman isn't bad enough, along comes this squealing porker that reminds me of the assailants on "Deliverance." And it won't shut up!!! Even the background speaker person has a slimey voice. Every time a Geico commercial comes on, I either plug my ears, leave the room, or grab for the remote. The only way I would ever make a Geico-related purchase would be if the company was selling Geico-proofing to protect me from its stupid TV ads. Help!!!

IT' S THAT TIME AGAIN

Great niece Maddie called the other night with a kitty question, as she considers me to be the world authority on all things feline. After a full-blown discussion on trimming claws, she then got down to bigger business. Gulp. Deep breath. I could sense her hesitation. Here she goes: "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

Good grief! What's the problem? Do dogs have fleas? Does a pig farm stink? Is Newt Gingrich a big, fat, windbag? YES! Of course, I want to buy some Girl Scout cookies! I have long adhered to that famous Great Auntie Motto: "On my honor, I will try to do my duty to God and my country and eat as many Girl Scout cookies as is humanly possible." Amen.

So, I ended up ordering a box each of Thanks-a-lot, Thin Mints, and Shortbread. Maddie was thrilled, although it really wasn't much of an order because.....WAIT!!! Sweet Neighbor Girl is also a scout and she, too, will be going through the same nervewracking sales routine before long. We have to save a little room in the pocketbook and stomach for her and any other little cutie who musters the courage to ring the doorbell and pitch those delicious, over-priced treats.

If you've read this blog in previous years, you know I am an equal opportunity Girl Scout cookie buyer/eater because I was mentally scarred for life when having a bazillion doors slammed in my face during my own cookie-selling days. You don't need to say a word. Just bring over your order form and let's make a deal!

LEAVE IT TO BEAVER

Big Sis, like all good grandmas, likes to talk about her five grandkids, all of whom live within just a few miles of her. Yesterday she had a funny story about five-year-old Boomer, whose turn at kindergarten Show and Tell was earlier this week.

Now, when I was a kid I was simply wild about Show and Tell, and I'd practically wet my pants in anticipation of going before the class to be in the limelight. In fact one time in first grade I developed such a tickle fit while telling some ridiculous story that all my classmates started laughing at me and it just became one big ball of giggling and the exasperated teacher, Mrs. Rankin, finally told me to return to my seat.

So---I was glad to hear that Boomer was putting a lot of thought into what he would do for his Show and Tell performance. Now, mind you, the kid had spent a week of his Christmas vacation in Florida going to every theme park in the Orlando area--Disney World, Epcot Center, Universal Studios, La-La Land, you name it. The family even drove on east to the Atlantic Ocean to beach comb and wade in the water. Boomer had enough souvenirs and stories to last a lifetime.

With that said, Sunday night his nice mama asked him what he wanted to take to school the next day for his turn at Show and Tell. And, according to Big Sis, his answer was--drum roll, please--"Grandpa's beaver stick."

"What in the world is a beaver stick?" I asked. Well, it seems the guy who sells Grandpa firewood has a body of water on his property and in that body of water live a band of beavers. He'd found a piece of wood that had been gnawed on by those busy critters and just threw it in with the load he sold to Grandpa, who then showed it to Boomer. Bam!!! Wow!!! Show and Tell material of the first degree!!! Mama took him to Grandpa's woodpile to retrieve the beaver stick, and all those Florida vacation goodies remained at home, apparently not quality material for Show and Tell Day.

I suppose there is a lesson to be learned here, you know, because some things that seem ho-hum to one person may be impressive to others. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." "One man's trash is another man's treasure." "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Or a gift beaver, for that matter. We should all look at life through the eyes of a child.

OOPS, SHE DID IT AGAIN

Our Friends of the Library meeting was cancelled Monday night, so I took it upon myself to de-trim the two library Christmas trees by myself yesterday. There's a big, designer tree in the reading room and a smaller, less elaborate one in the community meeting room. Surely I could handle this solo without causing too much damage. "When you hear the tree in the reading room come crashing down, you're in charge of picking me off the floor and calling 9-1-1," I told the assistant library lady.

Actually, the only casualties of the morning were three ornaments. A glass one shattered to smithereens when it fell to the floor, and when a plastic snowflake dropped, one of the six ends snapped off. The poinsettia topper on the big tree was the biggest challenge because it was stuck to the fake pine like glue, and I had a heckuva time removing it. "What blipping genius attached this in the first place?" I asked myself while tippy-toe'ing on the step stool. "Oh, that's right. I did!" So, I worked and worked on it and finally got it removed, but one of the petals came dislodged in the process.

I swept up the busted ornament and took the two fixable ones home for a glue job. Hopefully they will be ready for service again next Christmas. I left the newly-bare trees standing for some big, strong person of the masculine persuasion to return to the library attic. The Flaming Bore doesn't volunteer to pick up objects heavier than a loaf of bread or put together/take apart anything that demands a scintilla of brainwork. Fortunately, being a Friend of the Library doesn't require a lot of muscle or skill--other than knowing how to pick up and operate a glue gun.

WORD FOR THE DAY

My favorite word in the dictionary--I don't know them ALL, but I know more than the average gumball--is flibbertigibbety. (Middle English, 15th century, from flepergebet, according to Webster). It's the adjective form of that crazy noun flibbertigibbet: "a silly, flighty person." So, whenever you're in goofball mode, you can dazzle your friends by saying, "Man, am I ever feeling flibbertigibbety today!" or if your friends are annoying you, get their attention with, "Quit being so flibbertigibbety!" This word also works as a great substitute for profanity, as in, "That flibbertigibbety toilet has backed up again!" -or- "Oh, flibbertigibbet! I just spilled a gallon of paint all over the cat!" Try out this word on someone today and you're guaranteed to make him or her think you've lost your flibbertigibben' mind--or just gone plain flibbertigibbety. Hooray for words!!

A SILENT SMILE, PART II

If there is ever an old movie that still rings true after 75 years, MODERN TIMES is it. This one starts out with the Little Tramp working on the assembly line job from hell. Time is money and money is time, and the company he works for spares no expense at driving its workers crazy--"faster, faster." The boss even goes so far as to experiment with an automatic feeding machine that is designed to cut back on the minutes needed for lunch breaks. Finally, our hero has had enough and he's hospitalized for a nervous breakdown.

Once discharged, he's mistakenly arrested for being a communist organizer--and it's just as well because labor unions have forced many businesses to shut down and he's jobless. It's in jail where the Little Tramp is happiest. He has a roof over his head and three square meals a day. Who wouldn't be satisfied? When he serves all his time, he begs to stay.

Left out on the street to fend for himself once more, the Little Tramp befriends a starving teenaged girl by taking the rap for her when she steals a loaf of bread. Long story short, they spend the rest of the movie living in a shack, seeking employment--and when it looks like they have finally secured jobs at a night club, their plans once again go awry. The movie ends with them walking into the sunset (above pic), conveying the idea that life isn't so bad because at least they have each other.

Although this is labeled a comedy, and there ARE a lot of funny scenes, MODERN TIMES is truly a statement about the daily "have and have-not" struggles many people are faced with. When it was made in 1936, silent movies were passe--so Chaplin also seemed to be advocating that we need to return to simpler times. Easier said than done. It was the last silent movie he made.

A SILENT SMILE

Last night Big Bore and I took in a few old Charlie Chaplin silent movies on TV. The first one, CITY LIGHTS, circa 1931, was simply brilliant. Charlie's Little Tramp is taking his nightly stroll when he encounters a drunken millionaire about to commit suicide. He saves the man, who rewards his savior with his generous friendship---as long as he is soused. Every time he sobers up the next morning after a wild night of partying together, he is clueless about who the tramp is and has his staff boot him out of his mansion.

Ultimately kinder to the Little Tramp, but entrenched in poverty, is a pretty blind girl who sells flowers on a street corner. He becomes smitten with her and, pretending to be a millionaire by using his part-time friend's automobile and money, woos her. When her grandmother and she are about to become evicted from their apartment, he goes through hell and high water and a jail sentence to save the day. And there's even plenty of money left over from his hijinks to pay for surgery to restore her eyesight. Oh, happy day!

But here is where the Little Tramp's biggest problem begins. What will her reaction be when she sees that her kind benefactor is actually a poor, homely little street bum and not the actual millionaire beau she thought him to be? When "The End" came across the the TV screen, Big Bore and I, who had been laughing out loud throughout most of the movie, were wiping away the tears.

Besides writing, producing, directing, and acting in his silent movies, Charlie Chaplin also composed the music for them. Probably his most famous song is "Smile," the repeated melody in the other movie we saw last night, MODERN TIMES, a comedy/social commentary about economic depression and the struggle to perservere. I know you've heard this song before, and although Chaplin was not the lyricist, the words seems to mirror the spirit of the Little Tramp. "Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking....You'll find that life is still worthwhile, If you just smile." And that was the key to Charlie Chaplin's genius.