MONKEY-ING AROUND

Tuesday afternoon Big Bore and I went to one of my favorite places, the park and zoo in Independence. We were feeling quite guilty and full from having lunch at El Pueblito, so what better way to work off the calories than playing on the big ol’ train engine and talking to the critters.

Have you heard of the novel and subsequent movie called The Horse Whisperer, where this cowboy-type communicates with horses and solves all their problems? Well, I am a Monkey Whisperer. Actually, the noises I make are more in the range of smooching, but the monkeys seem to love it and we engage in meaningful conversation. Big Bore doesn’t find any of this the least bit odd because he likes howling at the peacocks and talking to the bears. No other human-looking primates were around, so we could be about as goofy as we cared to be.

“Hello, Monkeys! How are you doing today?” I ask three spider monkeys. One is bashful, one is a show-off on the bars, but the other is enamored by me. We start exchanging the smoochy sounds.

“You are so cute,” I tell my admirer. “Look at him, Jeff. He’s smooching back at me. Look, look.”

“I’m looking. He has something weird hanging out of his ass. What is that?”

“Geesh. I don’t know, but whatever it is it’s getting bigger." Yikes! Time to move on. We check out the various birds.

“Miss Swan, you have the prettiest white feathers,” I tell the one swimming after us in double time. “Sorry, we can’t feed you, sweetheart. Park rules. Bummer. Dive for some yummy algae, instead.”

Little Swayback Donkey from South America is in his manger and not feeling sociable today. I ask about his back and wish him a happy day, but he remains standoffish. Maybe the bears will be friendlier.

“You look lonely up there, Mr. Bear. What’s wrong?” BB asks the single bear we spot up a little hill, not at the stream down where we are. “He must be hungry and that’s where they feed him. --Come on down and see us.”

“He’s pacing. He probably wants out,” I say, using my best animal ESP. “Do you want out, Mr. Bear?”

Now I have no clue if this brown bear is male or female, but anything huge and hairy MUST be male. Right?

We ended our visit with a stop at the relic corkscrew slide. It’s been there LONG before I was little but it can still hold up to the biggest of kids, although BB passed on the idea. Not the Flaming Bore, however. I climbed up the ladder, which is still remarkably high, only to find a little puddle of water at the top. I accidentally made contact with it and splattered water that rolled all the way down the corkscrew.

“Oh, shoot!” I yelled to BB. “It’s all wet now!”

“Go ahead. Your sweats will mop it up!”

“But then when we go shopping, I’ll have a wet butt.”

“That beats having a Monkey Butt.”

Point well taken. Down I went. “Wheee!” Two-point landing. Body intact. Time to count my blessings and leave.

“Good-bye, you goofball monkeys! See you next time!”

“Good-bye,” BB and I said back to them.…..