(Profanity Alert! Warning: Do not read if you are offended by spewing profanity, even though it’s somewhat censored.)
If you want to bring out the absolute worst in me, put me in front of a TV set when KU basketball is on the air. My potty mouth got a head start last night when the game, scheduled to start at 9 PM, was put on hold because the preceding Michigan State-Gonzaga game on ESPN wasn’t over. In fact, it was one of those nail-chewing, back-and-forth contests where the last three minutes stretch out for about 20, what with fouls and time-outs.
“Sonuvabitch,” I moaned. “We’re going to miss the start of the KU game.”
“If you’re going to get started on one of your swearing binges, Critter and I are going to bed,” Big Bore announced.
“Well, it pisses me off that I’m not going to see all the game. Hell, this other game could go on for another half hour. If it’s tied after regulation play, I’m really going to be steamed.”
“Calm down. All your whining isn’t going to get KU on TV any sooner.”
Okay, so I shut up, sort of, until KU and Memphis got on the screen, about 7 minutes into play. The score was closer than I wanted it to be, every KU player but Cole Aldrich was in a slump, and it wasn’t long before the air in the living room turned blue.
“What the f--- are you doing?” “Well, f---!” “Get the f---ing ball!” You catch my drift?
“It must be the German in you. You are a German monster!” Big Bore said to me at some point mid-f---. Would you talk like that if you were at the game?”
“No, but I’m in my house and I can say anything I want.”
“Fraulein Monster,” BB said. “That’s what you are.”
Ignoring him, I rambled on. “I wish that f---ing Dick Vitale would shut up,” I said about my least favorite sports commentator of all time.
“Is he the one who sounds like Yogi Bear?” BB asked.
“Yeah, he just keeps on yapping.”
“Oh, just tune him out,” BB suggested.
“Hey, maybe that’s what you should do with me-tune me out,” I said and then turned my attention back to the game. “Who’s guarding that guy? Sh--!”
“Goodnight, Fraulein,” BB said at halftime.
Damn! It’s no f---ing fun watching a KU basketball game by myself and not having BB around to annoy!
(P.S. KU won, by two points. Too f---ing close!)
4 comments:
total agreement with all the f-bombs. i fortunately, b/o a tiring work schedule, elected to go to bed and not watch it at all. thank goodness. while exercising this am at 5, saw the lowlights on ESPN. hope they got this rotten game out of their system, and that they get a good butt-chew from HCBS.
hilarious!! visualizing you in your ku garbage sitting in front of the tv spewing the f bomb totally made my ay. you just on't seemas a f bomb dropping type of gal. basketball will do that to ya! i am the same way especially when basketball is on. Go UNC, uh oh I mean Jayhawks. lol
Turtle Jacks is like Applebees only way better.
Geez, Nancy. When I moved back to KS from NJ 18 yrs. ago, I had to clean up my potty mouth! Offended too many nice KS people. Better watch out BB might banish you to the Garden State, where F bombs rule.
LMAO! You had me rollin' this morning! Thanks ;)
Post a Comment