IT'S SOOOOOOOO E-Z

As I was walking to the Hobby Lobby check-out line yesterday, my eyes honed in on something that wasn't on my shopping list: the incredible Deluxe E-Z Bow Maker!!! Just what I needed! I have several wreaths that I worked on last year but didn't finish because I couldn't find the right bows. After the holiday season, I loaded up on 75%-off spools of fancy ribbon with the idea that I'd just make my own bows, but all my efforts were disasters, so I just forgot about it all until the trip to the Lobby. This was going to be an impulse purchase made in heaven.

According to the box, the E-Z Bow Maker, ("as seen on TV") is made of durable hardwood and comes with a lifetime warranty. At $9.99, how could I go wrong? It just happens to be "The World's Best Selling Bow Maker," and if it's good enough for the world, then it's good enough for me. Plus, says the box, "It's E-Z as 1-2-3!" That's important to me since my brain can only deal with about three steps to follow in any single given day.

So, with Big Bore's unsolicited help, I put the contraption together, got out my ribbon and wire thread from last year, opened the manual, and selected Wreath Bow. Between the two of us, BB and I fumbled through the first two steps okay, but when we got to Step 3 we were hit with a major obstacle. After making a small loop, which I guessed was to be used for the center, we were referred to Steps 4-8 for the Floral Bow on some previous pages. What???!!! I thought this was only going to be 3 steps! And now we have 5 more??? ---Neither one of us could figure out the rest of the steps. Try as we might, and we tried over and over again, we couldn't get that blasted center loop to work. It just looked like a big wad of wayward material. Adding to the problem was that the beautiful ribbon I'd selected had silvery glitter stripes running throughout, and by the time I'd started all over again a jilllion times (practice makes perfect, you know) the living room looked like one big glitter factory explosion. I will be picking up those tiny pieces of silver forEVER! Even Fluffy is sparkling this morning.

I finally tossed in the towel, got on Facebook, and sent out an SOS. What are friends for, anyway? Could someone please come to my rescue and teach me how to use this damned E-Z Bow Maker? And like an angel from heaven, the local art teacher heard my plea and has offered to help me out after school today. She made 50 bows for her son's wedding, and lived to tell about it, so I figure she will be the perfect person to gently guide me through the center loop-making stage. And if I prove to be a poor pupil and still can't get my bows made, maybe I can pay her to do it for me, with the money I make from selling the E-Z Bow Maker to some other schmuck.

'Tis the season to be jolly.