THEY GOTTA GO!!!

When Big Bore moved into Casa de la Flaming Bore three years ago, there were just three items in the refrigerator--a box of Cheez-Its, cottage cheese, and some yogurt. Oh, I take that back. Four things. Ice cubes. He was mortified. Now, the tables have turned. The 'fridge is stuffed and I am the one who opens it in horror. I am certain that half the crap in it could easily be tossed, but it's not mine so I leave it alone. With that said, here are The Top Five Things I'd Like to Trash From the Refrigerator:

1. Two-thirds of a bottle of spiced wine. I can't drink alcohol. BB bought it the winter of 2007. It's fermented ten times over. He's not going to drink it, so.....

2. A huge pack of disastrous raspberry chocolate fudge that BB made last spring. He mistakenly put marshmallow creme in his recipe and it has the substance of a sticky brick. There's no possible way human teeth can chew it. Is he saving this for self defense?

3. A half-pint of a half and half milk product that has an expiration date of July 30. I'm afraid to open it.

4. Have you ever seen what Cool Whip looks like when it's green and fuzzy? I'll spare you what it smells like.

5. A gallon of pickled eggs and jalapenos he made last fall. Half gone. "The greener they get, the more pickled they are," he proudly says. "You can bounce them like a ball." He won't relent. He agrees the rest can go, but the eggs have to stay.

I'm headed to the grocery store. All this talk about food has built up my appetite--for Cheez-Its and cottage cheese. Expiration date well into the future, thank-you.