On recent Tuesday and Wednesday evenings Big Bore has been tolerating my lust for “American Idol.” Special guest performers, however, show up now and then to fill up time, plugging their own music, and last night Rihanna was forced upon us. Neither of us had ever seen or heard her on stage before--and hope never again to be put in such a painful position.“I’m a rock star,” Rihanna sang in some sort of gimmicky amplification. “….with a black guitar.”
Those were the only words we understood, and she sang them over and over and over again--when she wasn’t gyrating around in a shiny black jumpsuit with Jetson’s shoulder wings. You remember the space age cartoon The Jetson’s, don’t you? To her credit, she had the body to carry off the skin-tight leather, but the singing was just horrible--even though she did have flashy pyrotechnics blowing up in the background. Her guitar playing was make-believe.
“Oh, god, get her off!” Big Bore moaned.
“Would you buy that record?” I asked him.
“Hell no! She looks like the demon on Ghost Busters. All she needs are red, glowing eyes.”
“What if someone just gave you her record?’’
“I’d burn it up, take it to her, and tell Miss Rock Star, ‘Here’s what I think of your singing.’ It sucks!” Ah, that’s what I like about BB. There’s no holding back an opinion.
It’s safe to say that we think Rihanna, needs to blast off to another world with her black guitar and not make a return engagement on “American Idol.” The genuine rock stars of the world should unite, protest, and have her arrested for impersonating someone who knows how sing.
2 comments:
I was not impressed with her either, and I usually like some of her songs. I am dreading listening next week when Adam Lambert makes his appearance. He's a mentor already after winning it last yr, that is a little strange.
Do you think Adam will encourage everyone to screech and wear black eyeliner?
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