METHODIST MADNESS

My pal Maggie sent me this old picture yesterday showing our Sunday School class, grades 4th, 5th, 6th. Instant memories from hell came flowing out of my mind bank. No wonder we met in the church basement (note the pipes?) This Sunday School class was the pits!! Now, there aren’t many boys pictured here but there are four of them, all older than the Flaming Bore, who made Sundays miserable because they were so totally obnoxious. I can still well remember how they made birthdays so very un-special by singing our birthday song with altered lyrics:

“Nancy has a birthday, we’re so SAD (instead of GLAD)
We hope it is the WORST one she has had (instead of BEST)
As we count her pennies (that went into the birthday bank lighthouse)
They will tell….
One SECOND, two SECONDS, three SECONDS, four SECONDS, five SECONDS, six SECONDS, seven SECONDS, eight SECONDS, nine SECONDS, ten SECONDS
Yes, the pennies say she’s ten SECONDS old!!”

If God was trying to teach humiliation, He did a thorough job at the Methodist Church Sunday School back in 1959. The mortified birthday “honoree” had to stand before the group during the entire song while these giggly guys butchered the words and the egos of little girls. I kept trying to think of a way to practice my own version of The Golden Rule and do “unto” those four “others” what they had done to me, but, sadly, I could never come up with anything devious enough. Being a benevolent person and practicing forgiveness is such a pain in the ass. But, obviously, all has not been forgotten.