SOME GARDENING TIPS

Seems like a 52-year-old gardener has people in Boulder, Colorado all in a twit because her yard work ensemble consists only of a yellow thong and pink gloves. Yep, that’s it. Not only are her neighbors upset, but the fine folks who run the K-12 school across the street from Lady Godiva aren’t exactly thrilled, either. Recess is being disrupted with anatomy lessons while she’s romping around her front yard, aging boobies flopping about the bushes. Last year she caused a similar disturbance when gardening in her pasties.

Now, the bare fact is: I, too, like to get down and dirty when I’m doing my gardening. I wear an ancient pair of baggy, stained, gray, holey sweat pants--plus any old shirt will do. I do not want weeds flying into my crotch and cleavage crevices, thank-you very much. However, I don’t bother with gloves, pink or otherwise, preferring to get up close and personal with the soil and getting it thickly caked under my fingernails. That’s the only way to go. Anyone who drives by our yard recognizes me as a true piece of grime in action and not some garden “hoe.”

I suspect the laws of decency, fortunately, are a bit more stringent in Eureka, Kansas than they are in Boulder, Colorado, where boulder holders and blouses are apparently not required. According to the article in the newspaper, police said the back to nature gal wasn’t breaking any laws, so she’s free to expose her body parts, for better or for worse, to the neighborhood. Personally, until she moves to a nudist colony, I think the cops should just hose her down and plant her thread-bare ass in some clothes. She needs to grow some common sense.