ELECTION FEVER

At last! It’s Primary Election Day! This had better put an end to all the blasted phone calls we’ve been getting, most of them taped, right in the middle of my favorite television programs. Yesterday took the cake.

“Hello, this is Governor Sarah Palin and I’m calling in behalf of….”

“Sarah Palin?!” I interrupted. “You’re not a governor! You’re just a governor has-been! You’re nothing but a publicity-seeking wanna-be who thrives on listening to yourself! Why would I want to listen to you? You don’t even live in Kansas, you moron!” I slammed down the receiver. Oooooh, hanging up the phone on Sarah Palin, taped or not, was such a rush.

Later in the evening.…..

“Hello, this is Pat Boone and I’m calling in behalf of.…”

“Pat Boone?!” I interrupted once again. “Hi, Pat. What’s an ancient rock and roller from the 1950’s calling me for? You live in a mansion in California. You know absolutely nothing about living in Kansas. I have to get back to 'The Bachelorette.' Goodbye.” I was a little nicer to Pat than I was to Sarah. I once slow-danced to him singing “Love Letters in the Sand,” so he commands a little more respect.

My Big Sis says she’s not voting for anyone who called her with a canned speech. But I’m not even voting for anyone who called me with a live one.

“Hello, this Is Valerie reminding you to vote tomorrow. May we check to see if you’re voting for Mike….”

“ No, Valerie, I’m voting for Joan….”

Democrats aren’t allowed to run for office in Kansas, so we’re registered as Republicans and do write-ins when we feel like it. This morning Big Bore and I mulled over who to write-in for Senator in this year’s primary. I’m leaning towards Little Bit Evans (our cat) and BB has nominated Sweet William Bishop (great neph). We figure a cat and a 1-year-old have much more sense than the backbiting dimwits actually running for this office.

Well, we’re headed to the polls as soon as BB finishes watering the yard and I can manage to get a bra on. I don't want to be placed under arrest for indecent droopiness while casting my vote. May the best man win…or cat, or baby…whatever.