UPLIFTING

There was a teen gal on TV this morning who was getting her 15 minutes of fame by taking Seventeen magazine to task for airbrushing models' pictures and for using pencil-thin teens to pose in its photo shoots.  She claimed that the mag uses Photo Shop to improve upon its models' fab appearances. False advertising. Shame, shame.

Heck. Adult magazines have been using this same trick since forever in order to make all of us average, older, washed-up, full-figure gals look like the slobs that we truly are. And do I care? Not really. Mainly because I have now discovered PicMonkey.com, which comes with all sorts of playful photo tools to enhance my aging appearance.  

The wrinkles are gone with a swish of the wand. Next comes some blush and mascara.  And don't forget to blot out those age spots under my left eye.  How about some air brushing over the entire face? Damn, I'm looking like a 30-year old waxy mannequin in no time!  

PicMonkey doesn't have an eyebrow lifter, and I haven't mastered the hair highlighter well enough yet to get rid of the gray, but I'm working on it. Before too long, I'll be posing for my photo shoot at Seventeen magazine.

As my favorite wacked-out aging movie character Norma Desmond, (played by the late, great Gloria Swanson) always says, "Ready for my close-ups, Mr. DeMille."