Tragedy at Casa de la Flaming Bore. Yesterday as I was grabbing items to return to the public library, I was mortified to discover that one of the cats had barfed a big ol’ hairy hairball all over one of the People magazines I’d checked out. And this wasn’t just any ol’ People magazine. This was the once-in-a-lifetime Presidential Inauguration Special Edition People. Yikes! One of my cats is a Republican!
Well, I stuck my tail between my legs and moseyed on down to the library to turn in my magazines, 'fessing up to the one that I’d tried to clean, sort of unsuccessfully. You could still tell that something disgusting had once been on the cover. Library Lady and I agreed the magazine looked unsuitable to be back on the shelves, so I apologized, paid the fine, and left in disgrace.
On the walk home, I came up with the brilliant idea that perhaps I could create a reasonable facsimile to replace the cover so as not to deny would-be readers the chance to see the special magazine. I figured I could draw two dancing stick figures on some construction paper, pass ’em off as Barack and Michelle at one of the inaugural balls, and People readers would never know the difference. Or at least care. They’d just be so glad not to have to handle a magazine with kitty barf all over it. So what if the first few pages were sort of plastered together in a few places.
My consideration of this possible resolution was interrupted when I got about a block from home and saw Big Bore sitting on the porch steps, his right hand moving toward his mouth. I stopped dead in my tracks. Holy crap! He’s not sucking on a cigarette on his one-month anniversary of not smoking, is he? Say it isn’t so!
I approached him, disappointed, and shaking my head side to side, so he could easily tell that something was wrong.
“What’s the matter?” he asked as I got to the driveway.
“You’re not doing what I think you’re doing, are you?” I questioned, looking for a cigarette in his hand but not seeing one.
“Eating a cookie?” He grinned. I could see chocolate smeared onto his two front teeth. False alarm.
“Oh, thank god! I thought you were smoking!”
For the second time in a 15-minute time span, I had an apology to make. I’d jumped to conclusions and was ready to rip into an innocent, still nicotine-free Big Bore who was merely getting his sugar high.
I decided to get DNA test results back on the hairball before I lay blame to which cat is guilty of barfing all over the Obamas (and switching political parties from the Demo-Cats). None of them admitted to the vandalism, and I don’t want to point the finger at an innocent pussy. Besides, two apologies are the Flaming Bore’s maximum for one day.
4 comments:
Did u get to bring the magazine back home? What a prized pocession that might be, and yes I just spelled that word wrong. Oops! I am not good at apologizing. Glad you owned up to them and good for Bore for not giving into the addiction!
Maybe Kitty isn't a Republican at all - maybe Kitty is a fashion critic because it looked like Michelle's dress was the target of the attack.
Well, LL, that could be. If that's the case, then Muffin is the culprit. She's the only diva I have who tolerates getting all dressed up. Truth be told, though, I think it's Fluffy because the magazines were on the coffee table, which is one of her favorite spots. Maybe she reads at night after we go to bed?
Good luck finding the culprit! That's very serious business!
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