One of my favorite Halloween Scary Movie Week features is the delicious Motel Hell, starring Rory Calhoun, who, when much younger, played in a lot of class B cowboy flicks. As Farmer Vincent, he is the mellow proprietor of Motel Hello, a quaint country stopover that takes in extra money by selling the delicious Farmer Vincent's Fritters, the best darned meat this side of insanity. He is assisted in this tasty enterprise by his maniacal pig-tailed sister Ida.
Their basic modus operandi is to stop nighttime traffic with wooden animal barriers set up on the road, then jump the unsuspecting travellers, who are planted up to their heads in a hidden garden, their vocal chords removed so they can't call for help, and then they are fattened up to become the Fritters' secret ingredient. Got all that? Yummy!
All starts to go wrong, however, when Farmer Vincent falls for one of his would-be victims. Uh-oh! The climax ends up in the smoke room with a chainsaw fight to the death. Vincent very dramatically sucks in his final gasps, chainsaw vibrating in his side, and confesses that his one regret in life was he "used preservatives" in his fritters. Then the last neon O in Motel Hello blows out. By this time, the audience is in tears--not from fear or sorrow but from laughing so much.
If you haven't seen Motel Hell, it's worth checking into. Cook up some beef fritters and stay awhile.
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