GROCERY STORE GOOFBALL

I was at the grocery store check-out stand the other day, all my items set out on the conveyor belt, when the carry-out guy asked the lady ahead of me, “Do you want your milk in a bag?” and then I yelled, “Oh, my gosh! I forgot to get milk!”

I dashed to the dairy products to get my half-gallon of skim and hustled back to the check-out so quickly that the checker gal didn’t have time to wait on me in frustration. I was once her English teacher. She knows I’m a bit flakey.

When the carry-out kid came back inside from the previous customer, we got into a one-way conversation:

“Thanks so much for reminding me that I forgot to get milk. You said the Secret Word. There used to be a game show on TV with Groucho Marx, and there was always a secret word that a bird displayed before the contestants came on for their interview.”

The poor kid and the checker tried to humor me by looking totally clueless, but the silver-haired guy behind me said, “Oh, I remember that show. Groucho would just talk to them and once in a while the secret word was said by one of the contestants and they’d get a bonus. What was the name of that show?” he asked.

“Oh, I can’t remember. Give me a second and I’ll think of it,” I responded and then went into deep concentration. “You Bet Your Life!” I shouted triumphantly.

“Yeah, that’s it!” he said. (The kids remained mum, giving us strange looks.)

“Gee, you’re telling your age,” I said to Mr. Silver. “You must be about….”

“Twelve,” he interrupted.

That special “Get 10 Percent Off if You’re Age 60 and Over Day” at the grocery store has got to be such a bitch for those 20-something employees.