BAD HABITS

We were watching some Sam Spade detective flicks starring Humphrey Bogart last week when Big Bore took notice of something strange. What’s with all the cigarette smoking in these old movies? Every time the going got tough, Sam/Humphrey lit up. And if he was commiserating with some chick, he lit her up, too, and they sexily puffed away together, blowing smoke in each other's faces.

Since his lungs have been smoke-free for fifteen months now, BB has become hyper aware of how disgusting his old habit is to those who don’t participate. He can sniff out cigarettes from offenders in passing vehicles. Or, we can be at the grocery store and he’ll smell smoke on the clothing of a nearby shopper. “God, that stinks!” he’ll piously say. “How could you stand me? It reeks! It makes me sick!” There’s no one more vocal than a reformed smoker.

I never got much into smoking in my younger days, although I tried for the sake of looking cool. Winstons just never tasted “good, like a cigarette should.” Chocolate chip cookies were ever-so-much better, so I basically got hooked on sugar. For quite some time, my main goal in life was to marry a franchise owner of a Winchell’s Donut joint just so I could have my daily “fix” of free bear claws and apple fritters.

So, I understand where Bogart and the rest of the smokers are coming from. Nicotine, food, alcohol, gambling, computer games, biting fingernails, sex, whatever. Nobody’s perfect. We all have our addictions. Some are harmless; some are fattening; some expensive; some lethal. So, here’s my piece of monumental advice for today: just do the best you can.

Now, put that in your pipe and smoke it--and pass me the Sugar Pops, please.