THE RULES OF THE GAME (OR: PITCHING A FIT)

There has been a dispute festering in the Bore household--ever since we got home from our horseshoe adventure earlier this week. I got on the website of the National Horseshoe Pitching Association of America (NHPAA to those “in the know“) to check if Big Bore’s scoring system was correct, and I learned he was right on target BUT he had failed to tell me that the foul line for women is 10 feet closer to the stake than the foul line for able-bodied men under 70!!! No wonder he kept whipping my ass!

“Hmmm. Listen to this,” I said while reading from the website. “The foul line for women is at 27 feet, not 37 feet like for men. I should get a handicap.”

“What?!” he said incredulously. “You’re making that up!”

“No, I’m not. Come read it for yourself.”

He got his butt up off his easy chair and lumbered over to the computer to take a look.

“See. It says right here that if you’re a female, physically impaired, or a man 70 or over, you can move up 10 feet closer to the stake.”

He leaned over my shoulder and put on his reading glasses. “Well, you’re not impaired,” he protested. “You didn’t have any trouble getting the horseshoes to the stake the other day. Half the time you threw them OVER the backstop.”

“But I’m a female. And I was having to put all my strength into getting them that far. Remember how you made fun of me when I kicked my right leg back as I threw the shoe? Well, that was because I had to give it extra ummpphhh. So next time we play horseshoes, I’m going to get closer like I’m supposed to.”

“But you’re not 70,” he continued.

“I don’t have to be! That’s just for men.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s fair.”

“It’s the rules. It's sanctioned. You’re just scared that I’ll beat you.”

“No, I’m not. You could stand right in front of the stake to throw and I’d still win,” he laughed.

“You just wait. Next time out, I’ll beat you so badly that it’ll feel like I’m sticking those horseshoes right up your butt crack.” (Ouch!)

To be continued.....