Sunday, May 16, 2010

WEEKEND PISS AND MOAN



Flaming Bore: “Wouldn’t you know. This is peony peak week and it’s rained every other damned day. And not just a little mist. No, it’s the raining cats and dogs variety, and the poor peonies are drooping to the driveway. I wait 51 weeks for this one week and it’s shot all to hell.”

Big Bore (on the way to the big city and back) “Go ahead, pass on a bridge, you dumb Dodge.” “Grandpa up ahead doesn’t know this highway isn’t for gandering.” “Thanks a lot for not using your turn signal.” “What are you waiting, for lady? There’s no traffic coming! Can’t you figure that out after five minutes?” “ Slow down! You’re in a 25 miles per hour zone, you a**hole.”

FB: “I wish it would quit raining. My beautiful peonies aren’t going to make it.”

BB: “I can’t believe Oerchlein’s doesn’t have canning supplies.”

FB: “I can’t believe Dollar General is out of peachy water.”

BB: “Where’s a Wal-Mart sales associate when you need one?”

BB: “There’s no price listed for this dry ice. "I can get these eggs cheaper at home."

BB: “I can’t believe that the only sales associate Wal-Mart has working the floor is a poor guy who can’t talk.”

BB “I can’t believe the price for this deli turkey is $2.00 a pound higher than the everyday price its store in Arkansas charged when we were there last month.”

FB: “My peonies are never going to quit sagging under all this rain.”

BB: “We should have gone to the self check-out line. I can’t believe they only have three checkers available. We should have gone to Dillions.”

BB: “I’m never shopping at Wal-Mart again.”
FB: "This is the worst scratch-off crossword ticket I've ever had."

FB: “Oh, my gosh! ALCO is closing out its material department.” (Wah, wah, like I know how to sew a stitch.)
BB: "I can't believe ALCO wants $80.00 for a pressure cooker canner. I just want a submerge bath canner, and they don't have one."
FB: "Man, when is it going to stop raining?"

BB: “You know, Saturday Night Live isn’t as funny as it used to be.”

FB “All I want is some sun. Is that asking too much?”

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