HEAVY BAGGAGE

There’s a new goofball game show on GSN that has joined my list of guilty pleasures. It's called "Baggage," and it’s hosted by, hold your ears, Jerry Springer. Even though it’s another reality dating show, Big Bore, too, finds it on his must-see list…mainly because the contestants on it are often beyond weird. Here’s the premise (good luck following it):

A guy or gal is introduced to three potential dates, but each has three pieces of personal “baggage” that might be turn-offs. They come in small, medium, and large bags. Small might be something like: “I still live with my parents.” Medium-- “I refuse to wear deodorant.” Large-- "I’m am alcoholic bisexual hoarder with six toes on each foot." Okay, so I made up that last one. Whatever. The picker weeds away those whose “baggage” is the most offensive and supposedly ends up with the lesser of three evils. The pickee then learns one piece of baggage about the picker and has the option of accepting or rejecting the date. In between all the revelations, Jerry cracks jokes about the contestants and their oddball quirks, which is half the fun.

This show has gotten me to thinking about what my own “baggage” is, other than the fact that I’m 60 and addicted to word games. I decided on: I demand help when lifting anything heavier than 15 pounds; I share my living space with three cats and their needs are #1; and I absolutely hate cooking. I’m not sure in what order of turn-off each would be, small-medium-large, but I suspect no man in his right mind would accept any of them.

I asked Big Bore, who is obviously not in his right mind, what he thinks my baggage is, and his ideas were not one of the three I’d chosen.

“You’re on the computer too much,” he said.

“I am not!”

“You sing in your sleep.”

“True.”

“You sing when you’re awake.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You either don’t know the words or you make them up.”

“So sue me.”

When I told him what I’d chosen for my baggage, he said none of them were a problem for him. He doesn’t mind doing my heavy lifting, he prefers to do the cooking since its better than eating out of a box, and since he carries on full conversations with the cats, I’d say he’s as goofy about them as I am.

Truth be known, we both probably have enough “baggage” to fill up a cargo plane.