DANCE PARTY

Even though our birth certificates indicate that Big Bore is considerably younger than The Flaming Bore, he has a much older soul. He gets a buzz out of slowly driving out in the country looking at wildflowers and crops, and the highlight of his week is showing off the bargains he gets at the grocery store. Ho-hum. So, I should have known better than to interrupt his viewing of The Lawrence Welk Show" (PBS, 7-8 PM) last Saturday.

"Whoa! What's going on here?" I asked, while passing through the living room. Two guys wearing bright orange slacks and matching, sequined jackets were performing a piano duet.

"Theme from Love Story," BB said, matter-of-factly from his man chair.

A singer joined the piano pair, dressed in the same startling outfit. "I can't believe those men were talked into looking like that. They look hideous."

No comment from BB.

Then, on came Lawrence Welk himself (splendiferous in baby blue) with his Champagne Lady, hot-footing a smooth waltz to "Moon River." It must have been Movie Hits Night. Since I was still standing, I motioned to BB:

"C'mon, get up. Let's dance."

You've heard of the old saying: "Actions speak louder than words." Right? Well, BB didn't say anything back to me. His butt stayed plastered to the man chair, while he tried to watch the TV around me, dancing by myself, shades of Teentown, 1963.

"Party pooper. I bet Little Bit will waltz with me." I went to the sofa, picked up our 15-year-old cat (that's 76 in human years), and did a few cheek-to-cheeky steps across the living room floor with him, 1-2-3, 1-2-3. Quickly, he wriggled out of my clutches and sought safety in BB's idle lap.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm living with a bunch of fuddy-duddies. This coming Saturday night when LW comes on, I'm going to pop open some champagne, blow some soap bubbles throughout the living room, and liven up this joint! Just don't expect me to drag out any orange sequined dance duds from the closet.