POLL DANCING

Hey, kids! In case you haven't noticed all that campaign crap invading front yards lately, it's time once again to cast your vote and make your voice be heard. I'm a moderate Demo-publican, or Republi-crat, whatever you want to call it, but I'm a registered Republican since this assures me of receiving the largest amount possible of politically-related junk mail and nuisance phone calls polling my opinions.

And, boy, do I have opinions to give--provided I'm not in the middle of something of monumental importance, like watching "Jeopardy" or giving my cats a pedicure. If my social schedule is clear, though, I generously serve the State of Kansas, donate five minutes of my precious time, and answer away. I especially like the open-ended questions, when I get a chance to ramble.

The other day when a pollster inquired why I was "definitely sure" I would NOT be voting for either Pompeo or Hartman, I delivered such a long-winded oration that the poor fellow, finally getting a word in edgewise, responded, "I don't know how I'm going to fit all that into the single line provided," so I condensed it for him in 25 words or less.

When he finished with his questions for me, I turned the table and had several for him: "Gosh, how can you stand to ask the same questions over and over all day long, day after day? I'd be nuts!" "Do you ever just make up the answers?" "Do you get paid well for doing this? I sure hope so." He was good-natured with my prying--possibly even relieved to say something besides reciting his canned quiz. So, I've decided that the next time a pollster calls and I'm not butt-deep in solving the world's problems, I'm going to ask even more probing questions: "Do you prefer Leno or Letterman?" "Que is mas macho y stupido: Mel Gibson or Tiger Woods?" "Have you ever, literally, had ants in your pants?" Oh, I could go on and on, but time is of the essence and I must get back to scraping paint off my front porch. I suggest you come up with your own stellar questions to make your political experience more meaningful and pleasurable the next time a pollster calls.

Don't forget to vote. May the best man--or woman--win!