ENCORE

I decided to stay up late Wednesday night to catch Tom “What’s New, Pussycat?” Jones on The David Letterman Show. I had a mild crush on him back in my late teens when he strutted his stuffed pants on a TV variety show aptly called “This is Tom Jones.” He was well known for his deep, sexy voice, dark curly hair, blue eyes, ample chest hair, which was usually entangled with gold chains, and, of course, the oh-so tight pants. Girls out in the audience would toss their panties to him while he crooned. Loose hussies if you ask me.

I don’t know what I was expecting, 40+ years after the fact, but I was sorta hoping he’d swagger out on Dave’s stage with “It’s Not Unusual,” or one of his other oldies. Now, I wasn’t disappointed in how he looks. Oh, sure, the hair is no longer black, but at least he has some. And his body is mighty fine for…let me check his age…good god, he’s 70!!! I don’t care if he was wearing Sanz-a-Belt relax-waist slacks that no longer fit tighter than a 40-year-old virgin. Give the man credit.

But the singing….the voice was almost unrecognizable. Maybe it was just because he wasn’t belting out one of his old favorites. This was something I’ve never heard before, about Satan. I think it was called “Burn in Hell” or “Burning Hell” or something like that, and the lyrics were a real downer. Right down there in hell, actually. What happened to the upbeat Tomcat who was always shaking the bed and looking for love? Hey, TJ, your fans don’t want you to be some Ozzie Osborne come-lately.

So here's the scorecard: Hooray for still performing in your silver-haired years, Mr. Tom Jones, but boo, hiss to your song choice for the Letterman show. And, sorry, but no panties for you this time around...not even granny panties...all stretched out...with holes in them.