FIFE LINES

One of my favorite television characters of all time is Barney Fife, the crack deputy on “The Andy Griffith Show.” Also known as “Fearless Fife” and “One-Bullet Barney,” he patrolled the streets of Mayberry, always leaving havoc and mayhem close behind in spite of his serious nature.

Played by actor Don Knotts, Fife was a nonsensical, no-nonsense blow-hard who could never back himself up, let alone his boss Andy Taylor. Here are a few of my favorite Fife quotes. I bet you’ll recall some of them.

1. “Nip it in the bud! Nip it! Nip it! Nip it!”

2. “Here at the Rock, we have two rules. Rule number one: obey all rules.”

3. “Floyd (the town barber), what did you do with my sideburns?”

4. “All right! Shakedown!”

5. “If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s people saying that I’m sensitive.”

6. “I had my eye on you from the start, mister!”

7. “You’re real funny, Andy, you know that? (after Andy teases him) We ought to book you on one of those excursion lines.”

8. “If I ever have to use this baby (his gun), I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry.”

9. “It’s a mark of us Fifes. Everything we eat goes to muscle.”

10. “That badge means something. Don’t disgrace it!”

If I ever want a good laugh, and old reruns of “The Andy Griffith Show” are on the TV Land Channel, I make sure to tune in. Barney is sure to deliver.