CAUGHT WITH PANTS DOWN

Being the great investigative reporter that I am (and just ask Dr. Maureen about the ace undercover work I did exposing the downtown Joplin "mole" back in '73), I took it upon myself last night to watch "E News," "Access Hollywood," and every other celebrity news show on TV in order to get the bare facts about Prince Harry's recent naked romp in Las Vegas.  And when none of the programs actually showed the royal family jewels in the flesh to their titillated audiences, I, of course, had to go straight to the Internet to get the full-frontal story. After all, that's what true journalists do. In-depth research.

So I got on the TMZ website to feast my eyes on his royal hiney and, boy, what a disappointment. In one picture he's standing with some other nude body and has a hand securely placed over his little tallywhacker. In the other pic, you just see his blurry bare bum folded over someone else, still standing, but like he's rushing to get away. There's nothing the least bit erotic about either picture. He just looks like an embarrassed little boy caught with his pants down.

A childish prank?  Sure. Conduct unbecoming?  Well, I suppose so--but it's certainly not as bad as that idiot Missouri politician who claimed last week that "the female body" can block an unwanted pregnancy when involved in what he calls a "legitimate rape."  Now there's a REAL ass for you.

The Flaming Bore has spoken.

(DISCLAIMER:  The above picture is NOT actually Prince Harry but is a close resemblance and is printed for the benefit of those readers who have too much class to check out the real deal on TMZ.)