CLUNK

Hey, am I ever steamed about this new federal Cash for Clunkers program! First off, I orginally thought it was going to be some Social Security-type benefit for women age 60+ who look bad in stretch pants. I was going to be first in line to grab my share of the billion-dollar pot!

Then, I find out, no, no, no. The "clunkers" the government is referring to happens to be cars--gas guzzling not-too-worn-out models that can be traded in for vehicles that get better mileage. The plan is to stimulate sales to help bail out the automobile manufacturers AND to encourage drivers to conserve more on gasoline. Well, sonovabit#@!!!! A lot of good that does me!!

In my 40 years of car ownership, I've never bought a car that got under 35 miles per gallon on the highway. Never! I've always been careful with my money and bought the little half-cylinder jobbies that run on a rubber band. No SUVs or Glamour Mobiles for the Flaming Bore. Just small, bare-bones vehicles with four tires. Forget the electric windows and head-jarring stereo systems.

So, where is MY reward? Do you think the government is going to bail me out for living within my means? Heck, no! People like me just keep pinching pennies month by month, debt-free, with a $22,000 house and a used Saturn sedan to show for it. And you know what? I'm mighty happy with what I have--until I read about blasted giveaway programs like Cash for Clunkers!!! End of rant.