HATS OFF TO THE BRITS

The biggest buzz about the Royal Wedding two days ago is all about the Hat Freak Show put on by the guests. The Flaming Bore has chosen the Top Three Best of the Worst for your viewing pleasure. This first hat was the one I mentioned in my April 29 blog, the one that Big Bore mistook for cat whiskers. It is taking a nap on the head of Claudia Bradby, whose husband is about to have an eye gouged out. How she ever managed to get in and out of a limousine while she was wearing this hat is beyond all comprehension. A tip of the hat to your effort, Claudia.

Next we have the lovely Tara Palmer-Tompkinson wrapped up in a royal blue blanket and sporting a matching hat that defies gravity. I'm not sure how she managed to keep it afloat, but my guess is that there is a large plastic suction cup inside it. Ms. Palmer-Tompkinson just applied water, saliva, or her other favorite liquid and pressed it onto her forehead to get the hat to stay in place. Removing it may have required a tire jack. I'm not sure.

My top choice for butt-ugly hat belongs to Princess Beatrice, daughter of Prince Andrew and the now ex-communicated Fergie. Straight out of the Wonderland Mad Hatters Collection, this stunning bow on steroids looks all the more hideous because she has chosen to line her eyes with sticks of coal. The Flaming Bore is concerned that this misguided girl will never find a husband of her own unless he is from the raccoon family. How would you have liked to have been the poor soul sitting behind her at the wedding? "Madam, will you please remove your antennae?"

Actually, I think I prefer her wedding headgear to the one she wore below to a prior auspicious occasion, most likely an insect convention. I'm adding it to today's blog specifically because my friend Library Lady totally digs butterflys and will want to try to find a knock-off hat for herself during her next adventure in shopping. On second thought, perhaps this one should just return to the cocoon. "Off with your head, Princess Beatrice!!"