Monday, June 1, 2009

HOT STUFF

Big Bore is pleased to announce that he has gone five months without smoking a nasty cigarette. We won’t discuss his weight gain during the same time period.

I never smoked a cigarette until I was in college, and, even then, I was a member of the Bill Clinton “I Did Not Inhale” Club. I mainly sucked on ‘em to look cool while I was working on the school newspaper staff. A whirl of smoke around one’s head was the sign of a smart aleck writer who thought she was being sophisticated. Gasp, choke.

I could just never get the hang of it. Swallow smoke? No way. Heck, I even had to learn how to blow smoke rings from my little sister, who was 12 years old at the time of my instruction. When I finally figured out that there was a health warning on cigarette packs for a very good reason, I decided to save my hard-earned money and try to find some other way to look cool that didn‘t involved possibly clogging my lungs. Like wearing hot pants. Except I didn’t exactly have the body to carry it off, but that didn’t stop me. Mama Bore’s sewing machine went into overdrive making me one-piece jumpsuit hot pants. My favorite outfit was leopard print corduroy. Grrrr.

Now, how in the world could the flighty Flaming Bore start out writing about BB’s cig cessation and somehow end up discussing a pathetic attempt to look sexy 40 years ago, you ask? The answer is simple. He was smokin’ and I was trying to be. Enough said.

3 comments:

Sarah said...

THAT is AWESOME!!!!!!!! Tell him congrats for me. It is a hard habbit to break. I know.

dr. maureen said...

congrats to BB.

i, too, had a brief experience with cigarettes in college (must have been that environment). i bought 1 pack to take to the Student Union between classes where we sat and drank coffee and talked. i held the cigarette between my fingers and gesticulated broadly with it--never puffing once. after going through that 1 pack, i decided it was a waste of money---i just gesticulated sans tobacco!!!

Anonymous said...

Kudos to big Bore. I sent him a small reward for his persistence with my Mom as messenger. Hope they fit as I used Shrek as a model.
My hubby smoked before our first date. When I explained to him that I did not kiss guys who tasted like an ash tray, he found a new habit. Why is it I have COPD and never smoked one ciggie?? Unfair!!! Same for my mother.