Today's burning question is for all you gals who get your regular "female tests." Which is more painful? A mammogram or a pap smear? I ask because this was the dreaded Mammo Day for the Flaming Bore, and Pap Day is lurking a few weeks away.I have been a faithful exam taker of both tests since my early twenties. A benign breast cyst was removed when I was 32, and I'll spare you the details on my cervical surgeries, which have fancy names I can't recall at the moment. Anyway, I consider myself to be well qualified to make a scientific determination as to which test is the more painful. Trouble is, I can't decide. They both hurt like hell.
Now I don't want to reveal too much about my body parts, but my breast tissue is termed in the medical world as "dense." I'm not sure what this means other than the mammograms are difficult to read, thus I rarely get away with just having the single routine set of "pictures" taken by the mammo photographer. Oh, no. I have to go back for a second and sometimes third set of shots that are squishier and more painful than the first. The only saving grace is that modern medical technology has improved the mammo machines somewhat, as the torture squeeze device now has an automated release. Back in the old days, it was hand cranked--thus, the suffering was more prolonged. More than once I buckled at the knees and had to sit down with a wash rag around my neck before the procedure could continue. Are you having fun reading this yet?
The pap/pelvic exam doesn't take as long to do, of course, but I'm not one much for opening wide and having orifices scraped and probed. Over the years I have learned the hard way that these exams are not as painful when administered by a woman with small hands and fingers. Once I hooked up with a miniature gynecologist who works swiftly, the check-up became more tolerable.
I am glad there are exams that exist to check for potential health problems, but I am waiting for the day when we can just be checked by having a magical medical wand waved conmfortably over our bodies. Until then, my vote for the more painful of the two procedures is, drum roll-- the pap smear. Hopping on the scales is not an office requirement before getting the mammo; the pap people always have to check my weight before I strip down. Now, THAT'S agony!!
2 comments:
i'll take either the mamm or pap over having the retina specialist stick a crochet hook in my eye looking for my retinal bleed.
as to the small hands---it is true. i show mysmall hands to my patients all the time and they say it does make a difference. even the male patients say they prefer my digits to those of the average big-handed male.
Make sure you take enough Vitamin D to maintain a healthy level, ask Dr. Maureen for details, as I believe this wards off breast cancer even better than the mammogram. You are a good girl. I am one happy friend that you get your scheduled exams as you will probably be around longer to annoy me. Love you.
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