UBIQUITOUS

I drove very little of the 3,000+ miles on our recent vacation, but I did take a brief stint on I-90 in southwest Nebraska until I was overtaken by a semi that practically scared the liver out of me. There on the side of the truck, way BIGGER than life, was a sprawling, half naked Kim Kardashian in the same pose as the picture above.

"Good lord!" I jumped.  "Doesn't she know she could cause accidents with that photo?"

After the semi passed me, we were treated with its back side, which was a chest-up shot of Kim pouting open her red lips and showing off her pendulous breast-icles, as well as the same bottle of perfume that was on the side panel.

"We are on vacation to get AWAY from Kim Kardashian!" I moaned.  "It's bad enough that she's all over the television, magazines, and tabloid newspapers. Now she's plastered all over the interstate!"

And about the time I said that, another KK semi came zipping by from the other direction.

"She's everywhere!!!  I didn't even know she had a perfume! Who in Nebraska wears this stuff?  What's her perfume called?"

"Write it down," Big Bore suggested, his panties not all tied up in a bunch like mine were over this travesty. I had brought along a notebook to jot down all the questions we had on the trip so I could look up the answers on the Internet when we got back home. (This shall probably be the topic for my next blog.)

So, when we got back home, I dashed to the computer to find out if there really IS a Kim Kardashian perfume or if I was just hallucinating on the highway. Here's the scoop:  there has been a Kim Kardashian perfume on the market for about three years and the name of the perfume is, duh, "Kim Kardashian"--what else?

It's a "floral perfume that has sweet opening fruity notes followed by floral notes and rounded off by woodsy notes to create a well-balanced fragrance....that is best worn during the spring and summer or fall and winter evenings....and screams femininity and sexuality."  All for $20.48 an ounce at Macy's.

"Who writes this stuff?  What are perfume notes?" I screamed without a tone of femininity or sexuality.

"Look it up on the Internet."

"Kim Kardashian is taking over the world!"

I smell a conspiracy.