WHAT'S IN A NAME?

When Big Bore and I were passing through Montana a few weeks ago, we galloped up to the Little Big Horn National Monument since it was just off the interstate highway and we had some time to spare--plus we had my free "America the Beautiful" senior citizen pass, which is too neato for words. We were pleased to see that this is an equal opportunity monument--sort of separate but equal. The Indians who were killed there on June 25-26, 1876, many who were scouts for the US Cavalry, are memorialized in a kiva-type area across the road from the monument where Gen. George Custer made his ill-fated "last stand."

 

Now I've long known that many Indians got their names based upon their appearance or talents or some other personal trait, and that their names might change from time to time based on some special event in their lives. It's actually rather fascinating. So, without further ado, here's my Top Ten List of Indian Names from Little Big Horn:

10.  Bloody Knife (Just the kind of guy you want to bring home to introduce to your parents.)

9.    Full Beard (Have you ever seen an adult male Indian with a full beard?  Neither have I.)

8.    Lying Down (Did he get that name because he's lazy, or good in the sack, or both?)

7.    Limber Bones (What I wish for every morning.)

6.    Guts (Short and to the point)

5.    Young Skunk (Nothing like being known for your body odor.)

4.    Long Dog  (Okay, which is it?  Did he own a dachshund or star in a porn film?)

3.    Hairy Moccasin (If there's one thing I'd really like to own it's a pair of mocs that are really hairy.)

2.    Hair Lip (self explanatory)

1.    Plenty Lice (MORE than self explanatory)

As we were soaking in the scenery, Big Bore was quick to remind me that he had once been given an Indian name when he was a Boy Scout in his adolescence. His scoutmaster tagged him Pom-O-Tawk, which supposedly translated into Tall Mountain.  He said the name was appropriate because he was the big kid lugging everybody else's food and all the cooking gear on hiking trips.

Jealous, I decided that I, The Flaming Bore, needed my own Indian name.  Now during most of the trip, Big Bore started calling me The NAGivator...his  little transpositional twist to the word "navigator" since I was sitting in the front seat of the car next to him griping and laughing about his sense of direction (or lack thereof) much of the time. But that special name doesn't seem to have the Indian ring to it. Before the trip was over, however, we came up with the perfect tribal name just for me:

Running Mouth (Need I say more?  Probably not.)