Saturday, March 1, 2008

LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE


Big Bore has coined the term, "Pulling a Nancy" for those many times when I'm absent-minded or careless. Some examples of this behavior: leaving my billfold atop a toilet paper dispenser in Wal-Mart, sitting on my eyeglasses, and practically hitting the front porch railing when backing the car out the driveway...every time. Oh, the list goes on and on. Depending on the severity of the "pull," I either end up in a panic, pout, or laugh at myself. Big Bore always reacts by shaking his head, sighing, and saying, "Well, you've pulled another Nancy."

This brings me to the best joke I ever "pulled" on him, when I "pulled a Nancy" a few years ago at Wilson Lake in western Kansas. We were on our way to Colorado when Big Bore suggested we take a break and check out the lake. I was driving and more than ready to stop, stretch, tinkle. Typical woman.

We found one of those little hole-in-the-ground toilet facilities that are so common at lakes, and I went dashing in while he took pictures of the peaceful scenery--not knowing that all hell was about to break loose.

Once inside the privy, I placed my cars keys on the concrete floor, and then a fabulous idea hit me. After relieving myself, I was going to pretend that the keys had dropped down into the hole. Ooooohhhh! I couldn't wait to see his reaction. This would be the grandest, fake "Pulling a Nancy" ever!

As I left the outhouse, Big Bore snapped a picture of me (above), laughing, not knowing what was to come.

"Honey," I whined. "You're not going to believe what just happened."

"What?"

"Don't be mad," I hesitated, "...but...the car keys slipped out of my hand when I was pulling up my sweatpants, and they fell into the privy hole." I scrunched up my best pathetic face.

"They what???!!!"

"It was an accident. They just slipped and...."

"You've GOT to be kidding!!!"

This time he wasn't just shaking his head and sighing. He was speechless. I could sense his blood pressure rising. Was that steam I saw coming out of his ears? As he approached me and the privy, I had to make a quick decision: tell him the truth immediately or string him along and have him come inside to take a dirty look for himself. I opted for the safer move.

"Yeah, I'm just kiiiiiiiiiiid-ing!" I smiled sweetly. I removed the keys from my pants pocket and swung them before his eyes.

The tension released before he blew a gasket, and he started laughing. Big Bore admires a good joke as well as the next person...as long as he's not having to stick his head and hands into a tank full of raw sewage. It's one thing to "Pull a Nancy." It could be quite another to "Push Big Bore's Limits."

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