MASCOT MAKEOVER

My big city pal Maggie, who is an avid reader of all that is newsworthy, recently sent me an article of monumental importance that could change the world as we know it. It seems that the entire community of Osceola, Missouri (pop. 818) is demanding that the University of Kansas change its mascot from the Jayhawk to something more politically correct. They think the bird sounds too much like a "domestic terrorist."

Seems that back in 1861, Osceola was raided by a group of abolitionists who went by the similarly-titled name: Jayhawkers. A dozen of its citizens were killed and the town was burned to ruins. What the present-day residents fail to recall is that two years later William Quantrill and his Raiders more than made up for the Missouri massacre by killing or wounding just about every man in Lawrence, Kansas, which I'd say makes matters pretty much even-Steven 150 years later.

A KU spokesperson, Jill Jess, responded to Osceola's demand by writing: "It would be hard to confuse it (the Jayhawk mascot) with anyone with terrorist intent, although we admit we have been terrorizing the (Missouri) Tigers on the basketball court for some time." Touche, baby!

This is not the first time objection has raised its ugly head toward the Jayhawk. Back in 1944 a Kansas legislator advocated a new mascot for KU, arguing it's not even a real bird, for crying out loud! It's just a mythological cross between a blue jay and a sparrow hawk wearing goofy yellow shoes! Others, in more recent years, have argued, ironically, that the Jayhawk is not menacing enough. It's good ol' bird grin hardly instills fear in opponents. Osceola-ites should actually be happy that such a harmless looking creature represents our state's largest university.

The Jayhawk has undergone numerous cosmetic morphs throughout the years, including the frowning 1941 version above next to the current one. Pick your bird and make your preference known! The future of the State of Kansas depends on it!