SHORT-SIGHTED

"Are my butt cheeks showing?" I asked Big Bore yesterday afternoon. I have an old pair of blue flowered shorts that are comfy to wear around the house, but they are a bit too shorty-short for a senior citizen to be wearing out in public.

"No," he said. "You look good in them." -- Now there's a lie if I ever heard one.

"How much are they below my butt cheeks? I don't want to be exposing myself."

"A good four inches. Quit worrying."

The ringing of the doorbell came to his rescue. There was no question about our visitor's identity. We saw him peeking inside the front window: "Hey, Jeff!" The neighborhood gadabout was home from pre-school.

I got up to answer the door and, I swear to God, this is exactly what came out of his little mouth once he saw me:

"Hey, Nancy, put your pants on and come out here to see what I have!"

Good grief! Nothing like having a five-year-old give an honest critique of my shorts!

"These ARE my pants!" I said, wounded.

"Well, get out here and see what I have!"

---I think it's time to pack away the flowered shorts--permanently.