Yesterday when I was removing dead morning glory leaves from their trellis by the garage, I came “this close”--inches--from having a not-so-friendly encounter with what’s pictured above. Now, my resident biology teacher, Prof. Big Bore, calls it a wonderful Garden Spider. I call it: an ugly, fat, hairy-ass spider that scares the beejeezins out of me.
You’ve seen them. Every year they show up under eaves at the first sign of cooler weather. And every year I invariably walk into one of their webs as I stumble down the porch steps, half awake, to fetch the morning paper. Then, I proceed to scream and thrash around like I’m on fire, certain that an ugly, fat, hairy-ass spider has landed down my nightgown or in my hair. You gals have been there before. Haven’t you? It’s called Little Miss Muffet Syndrome.
Well, when I saw this creepy crawler yesterday, I was sooooooo tempted to go into extermination mode, but I knew the professor would not be happy with his student.
“Garden Spiders are a gardener’s best friend,” Big Bore preaches. Sacred.
It’s okay to squash a squash bug, bag a bagworm, and slug a slug, but don’t kill Garden Spiders! He says they control the evil insect population in the garden. Well, if that’s the case, then why are there so many %#$@ grasshoppers spazzing around? Got an answer for that one, Science Guy?
Still, I left the creature alone. When BB returned home from work, I told him of my near-death experience.
“Where is it? Show me!”
Now Big Bore usually moves at a snail’s pace, but this time he eagerly followed me to Spider Central. He was like some proud father observing his first-born child. And then, ---oh, no! He snatched a sweet little moth innocently fluttering around the bell peppers and tossed it into the web.
“Here’s supper.”
That friendly, hospitable, ravenous Garden Spider zipped down to grasp its prey faster than I could say, “Yuck” and look the other way in disgust. So much for the Welcome Wagon.
Now, logically I know that Big Bore is right and that it is simply peachy to have Garden Spiders hanging around controlling the insect population, but I don’t intend to serve its meals on a silver platter. It can do its own food collecting.
In the meantime, I’m turning on my internal Garden Spider radar. It’s a scary world out there. Watch your step. Danger lurks under every eave. And when you accidentally walk into an icky sticky ol’ spider web this fall, as I know you will, remember that The Flaming Bore warned you.
4 comments:
LOL! I HATE SPIDERS TOO! I would not have been able to restrain my extermination instincts! Kudos to you! THAT THING WAS HUUUUGE!
I have asked my husband 2,000 times to spray so we can keep the 2inch diameter spiders out of the house. I kill at least one every day. He doesn't have time, my asthma will kick up, it's almost past spider season, the excuses are endless. I just kill em and don't bother to tell him anymore. He gets to upset when a little coyote disturbs his morning walk with the pup. I've tried telling him the coyotes are stalking the spiders but he suspects the jackrabbits are more to the truth. We live in a gated community. Don't you think the gate guy would tell those pesky coyotes to leave? At least we don't have scorpians like some of our acquaintances do. And thanks to my friend who packs a pistol for such purposes, the rattlesnakes have left after four years of terrorizing us. soon be time for the mice to move into the garage and the house. At least the dog catches those. To each life a few varmits do crawl in. Yuck!! Gives us a reason to need men. Watch out for the vears in Co.!
guess i don't have your fear/contempt of spiders. we have several that i keep track of by the house and garage---and i'm with big bore in giving them a snack now and then (a less beneficial bug). i also have no fear of snakes (although i respect them till i know their lineage!). scott says that is one think he likes about me---since a previous girlfriend got spastic with any kind of wildlife!! i was even talking to the praying mantis on the cleomes this morning!!
Hey, M2, I love praying mantises. They are kind of cute looking and aren't big, fat, hairy-assed spiders that make webs that swallow you up!!
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