BEE ON YOUR BEST BEE-HAVIOR

The other night while I was on the computer, I overheard Big Bore talking back to the TV in the adjacent room. He was fed up with Aunt Bee and was chewing her out royally.

“Oh, Aunt Bee, you old bitty, make up your mind. You’re gonna make that kid (Opie) nuts!"

BB cannot stand Aunt Bee. Never has. Never will. She drives him up the wall and back. She’s always pushing her nose into other people’s business, making crass decisions, and then having nephew Andy clean up her messes.

“What’s Aunt Bee bugging you about tonight?” I asked Big Bore.

“Oh, first she doesn’t want Opie hanging around the sheriff’s office so much because she thinks it’s a bad influence, so she makes him come home and plant three rows of spinach. What kid wants to plant three rows of spinach?”

Well, he’s got a point there.

“Then,” he continued, “she decides she doesn’t want him underfoot at home after all, so she sends him back to the office. Make up your mind, you old windbag.”

So, if Big Bore has his panties in such a wad over Aunt Bee, why does he keep watching “The Andy Griffith Show” reruns from 50 years ago, you ask? I’ve posed the same question to him.

“Because it’s the way life really was back then,” he says.

Simpler times. Opie didn’t have to worry about any war in the Middle East. There was no economic depression and concern about health care. His dad had job security. His teacher Miss Crump wasn’t shoving No Child Left Behind or some similar nonsense down his throat. Ahhh. All he had to contend with was goofy Aunt Bee and her endless number of ridiculous decisions and awful recipes. We should all be so lucky.