SHOVE-L IT

Big Bore and I decided to dig ourselves out of the snow yesterday morning. Even though our town only received about a 6-8 inch dump of the stuff, the wind caused drifts in the backyard and driveway that were over two feet high, and there was no way we were going anywhere until we did some serious snow removal.

I’m not much help with such a task, even though I like to pretend that I am. Basically, I just get in the way. The snow was dry and light, so I started out all gung-ho, freeing the car’s back tires from a drift that had blown into the garage, but my lower back soon played out--well before the driveway was cleared. I tossed aside the shovel and tried the raking method, then just ended up stomping and kicking the drifts around. The scatter method is what Big Bore called it. While he was methodically cutting the snow into small sections and neatly clearing each patch all the way down to the cement, my areas were a mess. "That looks like you just set off a bomb in the snow," BB remarked. True.

Next, I decided to drive the car back and forth in the driveway as far as I could--while BB continued shoveling. Now, mind you, I cannot even steer the car straight out of the drive on a clear summer day, so I don’t know what possessed me to think I could do it with snow all over the place. Big Bore was wary right from the start.

“Use your side mirrors!” he yelled. He knows I NEVER use the side mirrors. I don’t trust them. I always just crank my head around and, in the process, crank the steering wheel around, and the next thing you know I’m ready to crash into the house.

Well, he got safely out of the way, put his hands over his eyes, and I just gave it the gas until the Saturn was somehow out in the middle of the street. "Hooray! Free at last!" I drove the car haphazardly in and out of the driveway, only briefly getting stuck one time out in the street, and soon we were ready to roll. Ta-Dum! No more shoveling needed!

Fortunately, I don't have driving privileges past the front of our house until the spring thaw.