MY SIDE OF THE STORY

Over the weekend some movie channel on TV aired a Golden Anniversary tribute to the movie WEST SIDE STORY. Amazing!!! No, not the movie--but the fact that it's been 50 years since I was a 6th grader sitting in a crummy seat at the Kansan Theater in Fredonia watching the "Romeo and Juliet in New York City" tale for the first time.

Big Sis, a high school senior, was so mesmerized by WEST SIDE STORY that she immediately busted into her babysitting money to purchase the sheet music book that went along with the soundtrack. We performed endless living room duets, she on the piano and I singing, much to our Brother Beans' dismay. "I feel pretty! I feel pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn't me to-night!" (Beans' standard reply: "You're going to pity yourself if you don't shut up!!) I even threw in some wild choreography from time to time until Mama Bore yelled, "You better stop that before you crash through the floor into the basement!" What a spoilsport.

Which brings me to a few years ago when I was perusing through the VCR tapes and DVDs at the local library and came upon, you guessed it, the Academy Award-winning WEST SIDE STORY. Of course, I checked it out and rushed home to watch this "...most lauded movie musical ever made!"

---only to be totally disappointed. The movie now seemed dated and not cutting edge at all. The finger-snapping posing of the Jets and Sharks was cheesey; Natalie Wood, who I normally like, had a lame Latino accent (plus I now knew that all her singing had been dubbed, as well as most of the other top performers), and much of the acting was over-the-top REE-DICK-YOU-LUZ, as Rita Moreno (Anita in the movie) might say. Maybe the movie just didn't translate well to the small screen, I don't know.

When I returned WEST SIDE STORY, I told the librarian, "How this movie ever won 10 Academy Awards is beyond me." I can think of a bunch of other movie musicals, with zero awards, I'd much rather see again--starting with FOOTLOOSE, DIRTY DANCING, and SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, which were all just as cornball as can be but had some fun music and sexy guys in pants that were beyond tight.

I also think that after 5o years it's about time a re-make was done of WEST SIDE STORY. Let's have Kevin Bacon and John Travolta in the starring roles, throw in some Bee Gees tunes and a disco ball, and we'll be ready to start production. Brilliant!! Right?? Damn! I am feeling so witty and bright this morning!! Pretty? Not so much. But remember who had the idea first.