Thursday, May 15, 2008

GETTING HIGH


In determining why our basement is so wet, Big Bore and I recently decided that our home could use a chimney cap. Since all good caps first need a measurement, however, we planned that he would get on the roof to do this when he returned from his fishing trip. As we were dragging out the ladder from the garage, a great idea came to me. I've never ever been all the way to the top of a roof, any roof, so wouldn't it be fun for ME to be the chimney measurement person? Of course it would! How hard could it be? Little convincing was needed that I was the best man for the job. Big Bore would gladly hold the ladder steady while the tape measure and I would just zip right up to the chimney. Instantly, my courage wavered.

"Don't you think we ought to go on the other side of the house to do this? That way, if I fall, I'll land on grass and not concrete."

"You're not going to fall."

"Splatter?"

Well, I got up the ladder just fine, but once on the roof I lost all confidence. My Nikes didn't have as much traction as I expected. The roof didn't seem as sturdy as I expected. My balance wasn't as rock-solid as I expected.

"Now walk on up," Big Bore directed.

"It's too steep!" I moaned.

Like a big-ass spider, I slowly sidled across and up to the chimney, careful not to get tangled up in the tape measure. Why in the hell did I volunteer to do this? I got the measurements, 16 inches squared, and then began the descent. At least on the way up, I could see where I was headed. Now, I had no clue what lay behind. Big Bore guided me.

"Over to the right, to the right, now down a little."

"How much farther till I get to the ladder?" I asked after a few tentative minutes of slowly scooting downwards.

"About 10 feet," BB answered.

"Ten more feet!? You've got to be kidding!"

"Turn around and take a look."

"No way! I believe you!"

Finally, my little guardian angel got me to the ladder, and I maneuvered back onto it. Ah! I might live to tell about this experience after all. I got back to blessed terra firma as quickly as I could.

"Ta-dum! I did it!" I said triumphantly, collapsing in Big Bore's arms, about to throw up.

"Good job!" he congratulated me.

I can tell you one thing. Whenever that blasted chimney cap is purchased and ready to install, I am not going to make a return trip. I'll pay somebody else big bucks to do my roof walking for me. All you professionals out there...shinglers, chimney sweeps, Santa Claus...I applaud your ability to do your jobs with your feet off the ground. Mine are staying put from now on!

6 comments:

Sarah said...

I am proud of you, I don't think I could have done it.

Did you catch your rabbit? Or was he chicken???

Nancy Evans said...

No culprit has yet been arrested, but J. has practically made the strawberry patch bullet-proof at this point. I can't even get to the strawberries!!!

Unknown said...

I love climbing roofs. One of my fondest memories was climbing the roof with my dad and gramps all in an effort to de-bat our chimmey. I had fun, even if the bats did come haulling ass outa there faster than the speed of light. I screamed but it was a good memoriable time!

Nancy Evans said...

Mmmmm. Well, since you'll soon be in Eureka, Tara, I'd be glad to save the chimney capping job just for YOU!!!!

Nancy Evans said...

Mmmmm. Well, since you'll soon be in Eureka, Tara, I'd be glad to save the chimney capping job just for YOU!!!!

Sarah said...

Come to think of it, I would join my Dad on the roof too. I just would sit up there with an umbrella and watch him work. I loved the view.

I will have to scan a pic, if I can find it.