Ever since my kidney stone surgery and the subsequent order to start drinking a river of water every day, I’ve had to readjust my walk/jog schedule. In spite of unloading my bladder before taking off on the 3-mile jaunt, I can’t seem to hold off the urge to pee for more than about a mile; therefore, I try to make sure there is an official pit stop along the route I take. Typically, the recreation center out by the high school is open from 6-9 PM, so Sunday night I confidently headed out, knowing that the bathroom there would save me from the embarrassment of piddling in my Hanes.
But, when I finished the first mile and approached the rec center, doom set in. The place was closed! Well, maybe I could stifle the urge and keep going. I’d do a mile around the track and then finish with the mile back home. I could do it. On the second circuit around the track, though, I wasn’t so sure. There were flag football teams of kids playing on the west and east practice fields, so I began scoping out an unofficial pit stop underneath the grandstands, out of their sights, if worse came to worse and the dam began bursting.--which it just about did during my last lap. But just as I was about to put the emergency plan into motion, one of the kids’ teams decided to move to the main field at the track, putting the brakes to my idea.
I somehow finished the second mile without floating away, giving myself a 50-50 chance of making it back home with my bulging bladder intact. And then I saw my salvation--the math teacher’s truck parked at the locked school. Hallelujah! Saved. When I got outside his room, I knocked on one of the windows. He looked up from his computer, recognized the desperate goofball peering inside, and said, “You want in?” Not only is he a brilliant mathematician; he’s also psychic.
“You wouldn’t laugh at me too much if I told you my bladder is about ready to explode, would you?”
“Meet you at the side door.”
Relief came, and not a minute too soon. Believe me, I’m sending my former teaching colleague a thank-you note this week. It’s going to be addressed to: “My #1 hero.”
(The Flaming Bore is leaving for New Mexico early tomorrow morning and will be silent for the rest of the week.)
But, when I finished the first mile and approached the rec center, doom set in. The place was closed! Well, maybe I could stifle the urge and keep going. I’d do a mile around the track and then finish with the mile back home. I could do it. On the second circuit around the track, though, I wasn’t so sure. There were flag football teams of kids playing on the west and east practice fields, so I began scoping out an unofficial pit stop underneath the grandstands, out of their sights, if worse came to worse and the dam began bursting.--which it just about did during my last lap. But just as I was about to put the emergency plan into motion, one of the kids’ teams decided to move to the main field at the track, putting the brakes to my idea.
I somehow finished the second mile without floating away, giving myself a 50-50 chance of making it back home with my bulging bladder intact. And then I saw my salvation--the math teacher’s truck parked at the locked school. Hallelujah! Saved. When I got outside his room, I knocked on one of the windows. He looked up from his computer, recognized the desperate goofball peering inside, and said, “You want in?” Not only is he a brilliant mathematician; he’s also psychic.
“You wouldn’t laugh at me too much if I told you my bladder is about ready to explode, would you?”
“Meet you at the side door.”
Relief came, and not a minute too soon. Believe me, I’m sending my former teaching colleague a thank-you note this week. It’s going to be addressed to: “My #1 hero.”
(The Flaming Bore is leaving for New Mexico early tomorrow morning and will be silent for the rest of the week.)
3 comments:
I can totally relate! I always joke, I must have a bladder the size of a juice box! I'm glad the math teacher came to the rescue!
Enjoy your further travels!!
Next time save your water drinking till you get back. ;) I am glad he saved the day.
New Mexico! Another trip we don't know about. I hope it is for pleasure and not business. We will miss your updates.
Going to be interesting to see how long this "ten hour drive" is going to really turn out to be. Can't wait to hear all the fun tales when you return. The mts. in NM got a dusting of snow last weekend also. I will be with you in spirit.
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