STICK IT

From the makers of Sham-Wow comes the latest in handy-dandy products that I just gotta have---Schticky!! My niece Brooke sent me an email yesterday with a video commercial of this lint roller, paper towel, duster, bug exterminator all in one and if it's really real, which I think it is, I'm calling that 1-800 number and getting schticky-with-it as soon as possible.

Hilariously pitched by huckster Vince Offer, Schticky is pretty much the next best thing since electricity and the flush toilet. Not only does it pick up lint and dandruff, it rolls away food crumbs on hubby's bulging tummy--"Schtick it to your husband!" And if you have a "problem with your shedding pussy?" then Schticky will pick up that unwanted cat hair in a single sweep. It works on all kinds of fabrics "any time, any place, on anyone!"

Schticky is coated with a special silicone substance that is "slippery when wet and sticky when dry." And WAIT---Schticky comes in three sizes: besides Schticky, there's Little Schticky, and Big Schticky! All three for only $19.95 (plus shipping and handling). Schticky picks up those dust bunnies under furniture, cobwebs on the ceiling, and best of all, in my house anyway, kitty litter!!! There's even a special brush attachment to dig into carpeting. Why, I'll never have to vacuum again! Of course, I don't vacuum in the first place--Big Bore will never have to vacuum again!

So, although Vince Offer looks and sounds about as honest as an escaped bank-robbing lunatic, I'm going to do as he says and clean my home quickie and buy myself a Schticky--even if it is too good to be true.