A WICKEDLY BAD BOOK

I have a policy that I will read any book for the first 50 pages, and if it hasn't grabbed me by then, I will give up on it. My time is valuable. I'm not going to waste precious hours on a book I don't like. This policy isn't carried through very often--maybe just a few times a year do I wave the white flag and say, "Forgetaboutit!" Unfortunately, one of those times is brewing right now.

I checked out WICKED by Gregory Macguire because it's about "The life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West." Everyone knows I'm a fan of everything OZ, so surely this new book would be right down my yellow-brick alley. The prequel concept interested me--what had made the Wicked Witch so witchedly wicked in the first place?

Well, here's what I found out in the opening chapters: The WW, whose real name is Elphaba, was born (green) in Munchkinland to Frex, a circuit preacher who is out to combat the evil of the Clock of the Time Dragon, and Melena, who doesn't have much to do other than whine and have an affair with Turtle Heart, a goofy-speaking glass blower from Quadling. With the help of a nursemaid, Nanny, Elphaba somehow gets through early childhood by saying only one word: "horrors," although no one seems to pursue why.

When she's around two years old, Elphaba goes to Gawnette's house to play with her two children, but it's a disaster of biting and rock throwing that could have been well developed. Instead, it's mostly just Gawnette, Melena, and Nanny making small talk. On page 46 Melena says she has a "boring child," and that about sums up the first eight chapters that I read. You'd think it would be interesting, but Melena was right: BORING.

Still, I didn't want to give up yet. I actually went beyond 50 pages because I truly wanted to like this book. The next section would be about Galinda--who I think probably becomes Glinda the Good Witch. She was on a train with a biology-teaching billy goat on their way to the university. Their conversation was ho-hum. Do I really want to keep going with this? Not really. I tossed the book aside and got on the Internet to read some reviews of WICKED. Perhaps I was just being too critical and should hang in there longer.

Well, the reviews were more interesting than the book---people either loved it or hated it. There were adjectives like "enthralling, splendid, brilliant, witty," and then other descriptions like: "what a waste," "appalling," "worst book I have ever read." Not much in between.

I'm going to give WICKED ten more pages today. That will get me to page 75. If I'm not an enthralled reader by that time, then I will be like Elphaba, mutter "horrors," and move on to the next book.