PICK ME!

I regret to announce that Literary Diva and I are both rabid viewers of a tacky little TV show called “The Bachelorette.” Now, between the two of us, we probably have a jillion college credit hours, so we should have better sense, but, no, we’ve been rushing to the tube each Monday night for the past two months or so to find out which one of the 25 prospects this swinging single gal is gonna pick for her one and only.

The whole concept is totally bonkers, which may explain why Diva and I are such fans. Well, tonight, at last, is the grand finale. Will it be straight-laced Jason, who is an account executive, whatever that is, in Washington, and the divorced father of a three-year-old boy, or long-haired Jesse, a professional snowboarder bad boy based in Breckenridge, Colorado? Oh, the suspense is about to make me wet my pants! (or could it just be the 100 ounces of water I’m drinking each day to ward off any more vicious kidney stones?)

Diva and I both prefer Jesse. He’s the fun-loving, laid back dude who has no clue what he’s doing in life once he hangs up his snowboard. Our kinda guy. At the same time, we are both hoping that The Bachelorette, a dark-eyed super diva named Deanna (as in Dee-AH-nuh), will pick Jason. We don’t want poor Jesse to be stuck with her for the rest of his life. He deserves better…someone who doesn’t whine for attention or moan about the fact that Colorado gets a lot more snow in the winter than her native Texas. Duh! If she does pick Jesse, we hope that he has the nerve to say, “Nah, I don‘t think so” and then ski back to the mountains alone.

Are there better ways to find marriage material than via network TV? I met my future husband, now my ex, at a gas station. After 17 years, that match-up sputtered on empty. Of my five closest pals in college, only one has remained with the first man she married…and it’s a relationship that was arranged by their parents, Korean, when they were little kids. Thirty-six years after the wedding, they’re still together. Go figure.

It’s all a total crapshoot. Church, work, school, the Internet, blind date, TV show, street corner, whatever. There are plenty of places to hook up and find someone to marry. It’s just a heckuva lot harder to keep that relationship in one piece over the long haul. Once “The Bachelorette” chooses her honey pie tonight, I hope they will live happily ever after, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the next time the world sees them on TV, they’ll be on “Divorce Court.”