IDOL WORSHIP

I couldn’t let a season of American Idiot, er Idol, go by without making some passing comments. During the auditions, I picked Adam as my favorite--not because I dig his Goth look, but because he can carry a tune to the Outer Limits and back. And little 16-year-old Allison puts any of the current Pop Tween singers (whiny Miley Cyrus, are you listening?) to shame. She’s sort of a reincarnated Janis Joplin with a bad dye job. That being said, Adam and Allison have been my 1-2 picks since the get-go.

The reason I like this show so much is that once upon a time I considered myself a fairly good singer, but now I’m just a musical terrorist--as in awful. I still like to try to sing, but what comes out of my mouth is just “dreadful,” as Judge Simon would say. Sometimes I am totally amazed at how horrid I sound, so I try to compensate by doing fake voices that are intended to entertain/mortify Big Bore. One is country hick and the other is opera-gone-wild.

In spite of my loss of vocal sex appeal, I can still sing on key and my ringing ears recognize any note even remotely “pitchy,” as the Idol judges call it. My response is much like what one experiences when hearing fingernails scraped along a blackboard. I cringe, and every hair on my body stands at attention. But this reaction doesn’t keep me away from the TV set on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, although I have to admit that when Whiny Miley was making her guest performance on AI last night, I had to switch channels to Bravo because listening to Kathy Griffin drop F-bombs was easier on my ears.

Next week’s Idol show is featuring disco songs, and I am getting sooooooo excited. I’m hoping that the guest performer will be Barry Gibb, of BeeGees fame, because about thirty years ago I had a crush on his tight leather pants, gold chains, and chest hair. Looking at him gave me a genuine Saturday Night Fever. Not only will I be singing along with the contestants, BUT I’ll be able to put on my disco shoes and shake, shake, shake my booty, too. Wow! A double whammy! I can’t wait for rehearsals to begin!