SHATTERED

Number 5 on my list of New Year’s Resolutions was fulfilled over the weekend: “Take a class to learn something artsy/craftsy.” I took a day-long crash course in Stained Glass for Beginners at this neat store in Wichita, and, basically, I crashed and burned.

The only thing I was good at was tracing the template of our project on to heavier paper. After that, it was all downhill. I had trouble cutting the paper pieces out with the special scissors, then I had even more trouble cutting the glass. I kept breaking it in the wrong direction, sliced a finger, was afraid I was going to get glass in my eyes, you name it, but I finally got that part done after asking for help so many times that the instructor got exasperated with me and cut out the last piece herself.

Then we had to wrap the edges of the glass pieces in thin strips of copper foil that was sticky on the back side. I was all thumbs with that, too. I couldn’t get it wrapped evenly. I lost count of how many times I started over and threw away wads of foil. By the time I finished, I used up all of my foil, plus the rest of the guy’s next to me, and had started on another pack. Everyone else was out to lunch at this point, so they didn’t see me rip off with the extra foil. All the stray pieces stuck to my shirt was probably a dead giveaway, though.

On to the absolute worst part of the lesson--soldering. Since my glass pieces didn’t fit back together snugly like the template, there were big gaps that had to be filled. Instead of nice, thin, smooth mounds of lead locking the pieces together, I had thick, lumpy, uneven spots. Horrid.

Well, hallelujah, 4:30 finally arrived--at which point we were to be done, and I still hadn’t gotten the hanging device or frame attached to my masterpiece. Now, granted, I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t finished, and we were given the option of staying one more hour, but I was tired and hungry and knew there was no point in continuing. Even if I was to do the final steps, there would be no way I was EVER going to display this mess in my house, let alone put it in a garage sale.

Come Friday, when I go to the recycle center, I’m making a special deposit---in the glass bin. And my next resolution is never again to take a stained glass class. Lesson learned!