This hot news just in from Hollywood: Former Hugh Hefner honey bunny Kendra (from “The Girls Next Door” TV show on E! Network) is going into business selling stripper poles! The poor girl has been forced into finding a real job since she’s getting married in June and Hef has decided maybe it’s time to boot her from his stable. “My poles are gonna be like Carmen Electra’s poles,” she says, “only better”--whatever the heck that means. Kendra’s poles come complete with an instructional video of mounts, poses, and dismounts. I can’t wait to get started!Now to be quite honest with you, if I thought I wouldn’t end up crashing into the basement, I would probably buy a stripper pole, if the price was right, as in cheap. When I was a kid, I loved playing on the monkey bars, and a stripper pole isn’t too far removed from our old playground equipment. Right? I think it would be a heckuva lot of fun to learn. I’m surprised there aren’t YMCAs around conducting classes in pole dancing.
Now, if I were to become a pole ballerina, trying to be sexy would be the last thing on my mind. I’m wise enough to realize that my sexy days, if I ever had any, went out the window about 35 years ago. There would be no skimpy Spandex costumes for me. I wouldn’t want to chafe any tender private areas or get 3rd degree burns on my thighs. I’d just show up for basic pole training wearing sweats, hoping to get a good workout--or at least a few laughs--and avoid being put into traction.
I hope Kendra is successful with her new enterprise. There probably aren’t too many real jobs for which she’s qualified. Her resume pretty much consists of being a teen-aged pizza pusher and dental assistant (for a few months) and then seven years experience showing off her implants and laughing--all the way to the bank on Hef’s expense account. Oh, and acting. Pretending to be hot for a geezer 59 years her senior would be excruciatingly difficult. Let’s see. That’d be like me having a 118-year-old Sugar Daddy. Yikes!! I wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot pole!!!
7 comments:
Did you see Sex Toy Dave's pole on Millionaire Matchmaker?? He was pretty good on it. I'd rather have a swing!
Yeah, I saw STD's pole, among other little toys in his mansion! Yes, I agree. Swings are fun, and I still can dig a slipper slide..especially a corkscrew one like at the park at Independence.
I have seen the commercials for the poles and chair dances(lap dances)workouts..
I just don't want to imagine anyone seeing me through a window or anything humping an empty chair. Good workout or not, I will stick to the gym..
Go Kendra Go!!! Sell your poles honey.
What would the world be without stripper poles?? Do you know how many laughs and good times Dr. Sarah and I had in a bar with a huge steel pole? Glad Kendra has found her true calling, her mother would be proud!
Hey, T, I just chatted with Dr. Sarah yesterday. She's dilating already, so Baby Henry may arrive early. She mentioned nothing of her pole dancing days!! Perhaps I need to remind her!
LOL.. I was actually discussing pole dancing classes with coworkers yesterday. I'd be up for a good workout too, but they said you're instructed to wear a button-down shirt & high heels--- apparently teaching a little more than I care to learn :o
Kendra is supposed to have her own reality show too, so maybe she'll demonstrate the superior quality of her stripper poles!!
High heels??!!! Forget about it!
Post a Comment