'TWAS BEAUTY THRILLED THE BEAST

Early one morning last week, Big Bore and I caught the last 30 minutes or so of the updated version of the movie King Kong. We both recalled the original having the great ape smitten with Fay Wray, but we didn’t quite buy how this new Kong caused Naomi Watts, the object of the modern gorilla’s affection, to breathe hot and heavy in return. I haven’t seen such sexual tension between two movie characters since Kathleen Turner seduced William Hurt in Body Heat.

Naomi never muttered a single word during the entire grand finale, so her acting chops weren’t really tested. All she had to do was deeply sigh and make googly eyes at the ape. Talk about a tease. No wonder the poor creature had the hots for her.

Making the premise all the more ridiculous, the final setting is in the middle of a snowy New York City winter, and Naomi is running the streets in nothing but a clingy, nylon slip dress and high heels, chasing after our hairy escapee. I thought this was totally absurd, but Big Bore sort of liked the idea of her sliding on the ice at Central Park wearing only a negligee, as did Mr. Kong. They both appreciated the nipply, er, nippy special effects.

I guess one must suspend disbelief when watching such films. It just wouldn’t have been any fun if Naomi had used some common sense and dressed properly for the occasion. Who wants to see a woman wearing a parka climbing to the top of the Empire State Building to have a raging rendezvous with an oversized gorilla, anyway? It just isn’t done! One slip in that slip and she was practically a goner.

But, you know, Naomi has sort of inspired me. Next time I go outside to fetch the paper on a frigid morning, I think I’ll forego the bundled-up look and wear something short and slinky, instead, just to get a roaring reaction out of Big Bore…or the neighbors. It might be worth a few laughs. I promise to draw the line, though, at wearing high heels and climbing onto the roof.