A PROM NIGHTMARE

Even though it's freezing here, Spring must be in the air because I had a prom dream overnight. Oh, I wasn't back in Fredonia in high school schlepping off to the dance with Windy Wayne or Boyfriend of the Month with the Chevy Bel-Air. Nope, I was living right here in E-town in Casa de la Flaming Bore, with Mama Bore, and she was trying to get me ready for the big dance.

My date was some blonde foreign exchange student, name unknown. Good grief! I don't think I ever once dated a blonde in my life. Or a foreign body. I'm not into blondes, although I did think the blonde wrestler on "Dancing with the Stars" last night was light on his twinkly Quick-Step toes, thus my inspiration for the warped dream, I summise.

Well, most of my vivid dreams have a conflict, of course, and this one was that I couldn't worm my way out of my granny gown in order to take a bath and get into my prom gown. I have this paisley granny gown with enough elastic in it to allow several people to wear it at one time, but in this stupid dream I could not pull it off. "My shoulders are too big!" I cried to Mama Bore. We got into a hell of a struggle, but it finally wriggled off.

Then, I remembered I hadn't ordered the nameless, faceless date a boutonniere. How could I be so forgetful?? So, we jump to a flower shop, closed, but I've broken in and am rummaging through carnation rejects trying to put together a decent little flower for him.

Jump to my friends, who are telling me not to worry about the boutonniere because said date has body odor and will stink to high heaven, anyway. "No he won't!" I shout. "Just because he is a foreigner doesn't mean he has b.o!!" I'm such a defender of him that I should be given an award for international diplomacy.

"Good lord! What have I done with my purse?" I can't leave any money for the flower I've just made off with. I've left it at the cafeteria where I worked, and it is closed, too. "Oooooh. I need a pedicure! My toenails are grimey!" You know how dreams just bounce around? Well, my prom dream was on a big bouncy ball, for sure. Next thing I know, my neighbors are in their van--off to catch me in the promenade and I'm not even there. I haven't even taken my damned bath yet.

Well, thank God I woke up and I wasn't in a nubile, teen-aged body worrying about prom pettiness. But I sure had one hell of a headache. I'm going to go take that hot bath I never got around to having in my dream, soak away my aches and pains, and get ready for the day. Nothing on my dance card agenda--yet.