SUCK ON THIS ONE

Well, it looks like child care experts, of which I am NOT one (unless you're speaking of kittens), have their diapers all in a wad because poor little rich girl Suri Cruise was recently seen walking her stuffed teddy bear with a binky in her mouth. She's almost 5-years-old, which those in the know think is waaaaaaay too old to be sucking on one of those yummy plastic pacifiers. Suri's habit could cause bucked teeth and make her the object of ridicule, they say.

Personally, I don't see the problem with it. If I had herds of stalking photographers following my every move, I'd need more than a pacifier to calm me down, starting with a bottle of valium. We should be glad that sweet Suri isn't a wigged-out, pre-school drug addict in need of an intervention. Let her slurp on the stupid binky all she wants. Her parents can easily afford to have braces put on her teeth later on, should they become bucked. As for coping with the ridicule, well, she's already had plenty of experience dealing with that dilemma. Tom Cruise IS her father, after all.

There's actually a bright side to this sad story. I predict that Suri will make pacifiers fashionable and they'll become all the rage. Designer binkies in an array of colors and styles. They'll become a must-have accessory, like handbags and hairbows. Every gal will want one. You just wait and see. They'll come in assorted flavors, regular and sugar-free. Why, I would invest in their production today and be a millionaire by tomorrow, if I had scads of money. But I don't. Which sucks. Where's a binky when I need one?