ROYALLY READY

(The Flaming Bore's personal royal wedding invitation)

I say, old chaps. My tiara has been dragged out of the closet. A clean pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt are laid out. My tea selection for the reception has been made. The Flaming Bore is totally stoked about attending the royal wedding tomorrow morning between Prince William and Lady Catherine. Let the nuptials begin!!

In spite of rumors to the contrary, I am a hopeless romantic and have been gaga over the prince since he was a heart-throbbing 18. Now that he's losing his hair, so sad, he's not quite as GQ looking as he once was, but he still seems like a grand catch, and I totally approve of his chosen bride with her model-perfect looks and chestnut hair to die for. What a jolly great couple! I wouldn't miss out on their wedding for all the cubic zirconium in the world.

I have decided to try to do my best to rise and shine at 4 AM tomorrow so I can attend the pageantry live and in person, even though the whole shingdig will be rerun into the ground dozens of times later in the day. Big Bore is being a big bore and has no inclination to escort me to the ceremony. He, in fact, is getting bloody agitated over all the hoopla. What a party pooper. Unlike moi, some people have no refinement, whatsoever. So, until tomorrow, ta-ta, pip-pip, and a high-flying tally-ho! I'm off to the wedding!!