ITCHING TO ITCH

Summer has officially arrived and so has chigger season. How do I know? Because when I woke up this morning, my right hand was automatically and strategically placed inside my pajama bottoms scratching away at the two new chigger bites irritating my secret parts. Don't you just hate that? Those darned little varmints never seem to make welts on public parts--it's always where your mom chastises you with, "Quit your scratching."

It's my own fault. I spent a good part of yesterday morning weeding at the library, and did I spray on Deet before I took off on the mission? Of course I didn't. I never seem to remember to put on the insect repellent until it's too late. By the time it's crossed my mind, the damage is done. Chiggers are so sneaky laying in wait in the grass for their insidious attack. At least mosquitoes play fair and give their victims warning. You can see and hear them as they prepare to bomb-dive in for their blood fest. Chiggers, on the other hand, always seem to silently worm their way inside your underclothes. How in the heck they manage to get in there is beyond my comprehension, but they never fail to find all the wrong spots.

My worst case of chigger bites was when I was around 10 years old and had picked strawberries at my great aunt and uncle's farm where I was visiting for a week. A convention of chiggers bit into my belly and had a feast that they're still talking about. Aunt Ethel reacted in horror by pouring a bottle of Caladryl on the welts; there had to have been a hundred or more. I had post-traumatic chigger disorder for years after that. (That's the uncontrollable desire to take over the cat's scratching post.)

We're headed off to the big city pretty soon to get some much-needed shopping done, and I hope I can control the urge to scratch at my crotch or rub against display shelves so Big Bore won't have to yell at me like my mother always did. But things could be worse. At least the chiggers didn't find my boob crevices--this time around. But summer is just getting started.