MOVING MOVIES

I'm going to take the mood down a few notches today and write about the most tear-jerking movie I've ever seen, Simon Birch.

Simon, probably 12 years old or so, was born with a form of dwarfism. In spite of his handicap, he's high-spirited and ornery and he has the best giggle....a very endearing, inspiring person. He's always telling his best pal that God has a plan and purpose for him in life. So, when he dies at the end of the movie, becoming a hero after saving a busload of children sinking in icy waters, well, I just totally lost it. Fortunately, I was home alone watching this on TV, not having to subject a theatre full of folks to my hysteria, but then the phone rang. It was Big Bore.

(sniffle) "Hello."

"What's the matter with you? Did someone die?"

(choke, spit) "Y-y-yes. Simon (blubber) Birch."

"Who's Simon Birch?"

(big slobber) "He's this little boy in the movie I've been watching. (breakdown cry) It's so sad."

Well, BB knew better than to make light of my emotions. After all, he was the one who had misty eyes at the end of....The Wedding Crashers. Yes, you read that right.

Other movies that have turned on my waterworks in lesser degrees:

My Dog Skip--Now I'm not a dog person, but when Skip vanishes on his master's bed at the end...."Hanky, please!"

Castaway--Tom Hanks and Helen Hunt reunite after he survives many years on a deserted island following a plane crash. He has dreamed of this moment for so long. It's what's kept him alive. Oops. She married someone else, thinking Tom was in the bottom of the sea. They embrace in a rainstorm, but it's hopeless. "Oh, just cry me a roaring river."

Splendor in the Grass--Another story of broken love, reunited too late. The faces of Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty are simply heartbreaking when they meet again. "Hey! I need another hanky!!"

The Wizard of Oz--No, I don't boo-hoo when Elvira Gulch sweeps off with Toto, but the ending always gets to me. "Oh, Auntie Em! There's no place like home!"

Terms of Endearment--Debra Winger is dying of cancer and has a final visit with her two little boys. The younger one is inconsolable, and she's trying to keep her emotions together. "Forget the hanky and just being me the whole damned box of Kleenex! A large one!"

Well, that's enough for today. My eyes are so watery that it's difficult to see the computer screen, and the lump in my throat is choking me. I think I need to go take a big dose of Animal House.